Begin Again

We've started back in that way we do, both resisting and loving the restructuring of our days into something a bit more productive, at least in the literal, pen-to-paper sense. Truthfully we've been producing things all summer - things like rest and contentment, things like space to breathe, things like friendships. It has been good, but it is time now, again, to get back to it. So we do - reluctantly at first, but getting better all the time. This year, 5 of my kids are being formally schooled. 8th grade, 6th, 4th, 2nd and Kindergarten.

On the first day, just after bible and prayers were hollered over the din of shrieking toddlers (isn't that how everyone prays?), I cracked open "A Wrinkle In Time" to share with my kids. This is my very favorite part of homeschooling. When I get to pull something dearly loved out of my past and hand it right over to my kids, like the precious heirloom it is. It has been many years since I've found myself in the pages of one of Madeleine L'Engle's award winning children's books but oh, it very nearly felt like the first time.

They just don't make books like this anymore. Not that I've seen for kids. The beautiful writing. The sophistication of ideas and plot lines and the grand supposition that, yes, you, little one, you can hang with a quick little lesson on quantum physics right smack dab in the middle of a child's fantasy. This type of book elevates thinking. It inspires and challenges, yet it avoids boredom by being unspeakably beautiful. It's real, good, thoughtful. It is art, life, science and faith all wrapped into one. It's a work of art, a labor of love.

Long after I closed the book and slid it into it's spot on the living room shelf, it stayed with me - just like a good book does. We went about our day with the usual swirl of laundry and personalities and meal time drama that consume our days, but my thoughts kept turning back. I think I know why.

Everything that I love about that book? Those are the things I love about our life. The things I want to cultivate in our days here together. A place where kids can be kids, but are spurred onward to be curious, to push themselves, to take on more and more responsibility, to ask questions. To seek the good, know the truth, rise above and claim rightness. To love life, art, science and faith. It's everything I want for my kids and, truthfully - myself. To know what it is to experience beauty in the every day.

To walk with God. To love one another.

It's the beginning of another school year and my friend tells me - "I feel like I've been run over." Yeah. That. But also? This:

Life is raw, real, relentless. People aren't perfect. Plans are almost certainly made to fall through and there never seems to be enough time.

But all.is.grace.

And it's a good, good life.

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Raising Kids in Self Mastery

What is the hardest part of parenting for you?

For me, it is denying my children something I want them to have because of something I want for them even more. It's a grappling I have to do with myself because I just want all the goodness for them, right now. Keeping my eye on the prize is tough in those moments when giving in just seems so much happier. Finding that space between grace and consequences. It's hard.

This weekend saw a few such moments. Moments where I think "I really don't want to have to follow up with consequences here. I just want to have a good day." Moments where my own self discipline threatened to waver. Isn't that just the way? Raising kids in self mastery requires me to master myself first. Just one of the many ways that growing kids grows me - maybe even more than them at times.

Sometimes I feel like my life is all just one big lesson in what not to do. I look at my past choices and pray that my kids have a bit more sense. A bit more control. A bit more wisdom. The ability to look beyond the heady exhilaration of this moment to something deeper. More enduring.

That's what it really boils down to for me. It's what I feel like I tell each of my kids ad nauseum: Learning to say "no" to yourself is the greatest gift you can give your future. Giving in to your whims may seem like the way to a happy life, but you find as you grow that self mastery begins with the ability to say no - which leads to a better and more powerful yes.

It's the trading of what you want in this specific moment for what you want in the bigger picture. It is also in direct opposition with what the culture is teaching our kids.

It's the power to say "no" to sleeping in and skipping class and a better and stronger "yes" to reaching your goals. It's the power to say "no" to walking out on an argument and finding someone to stroke your ego and "yes" to working things out with your spouse. It's the power to say "no" to ease and selfishness and "yes" to a sacrificial, other-centered life. It's the ability to say "no" to what the world values and "yes" to what God values. "No" to the nap and "yes" to the weights.

And honestly? I have no idea how to teach it. But perhaps that's the point? Self-mastery is a personal journey. One that starts when we are young and continues on our entire lives. One that I'm still on, and can share with my kids in the most natural way possible. By living it. One day at a time.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we 

will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galations 6:9

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The Desires of My Heart

“Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” 

(Augustine, Confessions (Book 1)

"Mom, we need to move to a bigger house. Look how tiny this living room is!"

Fiona gestures our one, catch all family room/living room/library. Dinah glances over, her focus momentarily distracted from the tv where they are watching House Hunters.

"Maybe not big," she adds, and I think for a moment I'll have an ally. But then - "...but at least 4 bedrooms. At least, Mom."

It doesn't happen often. For the most part, we are a pretty content bunch. But every once in a while, it comes up. And these little kids of mine, they dream and they yearn. My answer is always the same.

"You can go ahead and ask God for a new house. It's up to Him."

Today Fiona fires back - "Yeah, but he won't answer."

I know a little bit about desire. I know a little bit about envy and looking around wondering - well, God? Why not me? What not that? Why not?

I know a little bit of wanting a concrete answer, spelled out in language that I can understand. God doesn't work that way. Although it is hard to explain to a 9 year old who just wants her Mama to have a big kitchen with a walk in pantry and shiny new appliances, it's better.

I know she won't get it if I explain to her - God has given us some crazy good gifts. Indeed, I can see how the desires of my heart have been granted. How he works to gently align my desires with His will in the way a good parent does. How He grows me in contentment and peace a little more each day, each year. How He holds my disappointments, no matter how shallow, in understanding.

At night, I climb the stairs. To my right, three boys asleep in their shared bedroom. To my left, three girls in theirs. Safe, warm, healthy, happy. Together. What could be better than that?

It has taken a long time to get to this place, but it is a good and peaceful place to be. Not settling, or mere acceptance, but a place of gratitude. We are where we are meant to be.

My days are filled with the people and things I love the most, with a fair bit of freedom to be myself within it. I read to my babies. I knit. I bake. I play outside. I work out. I talk on the phone to my best friends. I watch my kids becoming the best of friends with one another. My husband comes home and these days our relationship is the best it has ever been. Grown strong and growing stronger - not from ease, but from the bedrock of trial and mutual commitment. It's better than just good. It's incredible.

But at the very top, even if all the rest of this falls away, I have Him. And that, that is where the truest and deepest desire of my heart is fulfilled: to be fully known and wholly loved.

In this year of Abide, I'm entering a place of calm and peace and it is so, so sweet.


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Onward, Together

March came in like a lion here in Michigan, despite February flirting with springtime temps, making us think maybe, just maybe, we were done with winter. I'm oddly ok with it. Despite being my favorite season, I'm not quite ready for Spring yet (which is something I never thought I'd say). There's something about snow after the winter solstice when the days start to lengthen again. Instead of blue twilights, it's all golden mornings with the sun glinting across a brilliant diamond encrusted world, making ordinary things (swingset, basketballs, abandoned lawn chairs) seem somehow regal. I wake up and look out the kitchen window toward my Mom's house and feel like, maybe just for right now, that I'm facing the right direction.

There's no small thing about heading the right way. Rightness is such a centered feeling and one that I feel is more slippery in my grasp these days than it once was.

February in a little house full to the brim with children always stretches me in so many ways. God created families as the perfect training ground for sanctification and, goodness, if we don't brush up against that as often as humanly possible. If I can get past the irritation and annoyance of watching 7 personalities bounce off each other (and me) all day long, I can see the good it is yielding. The growth it inspires.

A few days ago, some of my Mama friends and I were talking about siblings squabbles, and I realized something: all siblings fight in some way. Most siblings fight physically, even when we all think they are way too old for that nonsense and have been modeling (and preaching) "We don't hit! Gentle hands! Be kind!" for as long as they've been able to execute such an action. As natural a part of growing up as Maggie's first wobbly attempts at standing is giving your brother an elbow in the stomach when he's annoying you. It is 100% normal. Yet I see my friends stressing and worrying and feeling like they have to do something to keep their four year old sister-smacker into a future felon.

Perhaps that is one of the most maddening things about parenting. We are so entrenched in the idea that there is certainly something that one can do to make a change in every situation that when we show up to parent our kids and find ourselves endless repeating the same things we've been saying for 13 years with seemingly little result, we don't know what to do. We keep on trying, keep on making rules and reward charts and doling out consequences and feeling completely flummoxed when behavior doesn't seem to change. We have that sinking feeling that we are failing them. 

The truth is, this is God's work to be done in His way that rarely makes sense to mere mortals. 

This winter, I've been praying to see the good in my children. The things they are getting right. It has changed my view and made me fall so deeply in love with these people. You see, God has begun a work in them. Just like He began one in me. The thing about the flaws in kids is that they are things we see right out front, like sibling squabbles and back talking. Pretty benign stuff compared to the sins adults hide deep inside, behind a carefully crafted veneer. There is a temptation in raising children to see only the naughty things. The things that threaten to embarrass us in public. The things that reflect badly on us. When we narrow our focus to just that and train not with the heart in mind but the appearance, we miss so much. This verse has been laid on my heart in regards to my kids and challenges me every day:

"If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with you..."

Psalm 130:3-4

My job is not to be my children's savior. They've got one and it isn't me. It isn't to change their hearts or even their behavior. It is to train them, yes, lead them, model gospel to them, admonish them, point them in the right direction and help them up when they stumble. But change in a person, in a heart, is something that only the Maker of the Universe can set into motion. The same one who tilts us towards the sun and changes blue twilights into golden mornings. I've noticed something in my children lately - particularly the older ones. The more I relax my grasp and, instead, invite them into life with me, the more astonished I am to see them rising to the occasion with kindness, confidence, love.  They are generous, thoughtful, hardworking. They serve and love with patience that I could learn from. My view of God can be so narrow - almost narcissistic, that I can begin to believe that without my forcing them down a certain path, they'll never find it on their own. I forget that each one of them has their own relationship with Him - and that it is quite frankly not something I'm involved in.

At the baptism of one of my many wonderful family members, my pastor-cousin remarked that, in God's economy, we are all brothers and sisters. Yes, even freshly baptized babies and wizened seminarians. We are meant to walk together on this path, not boss and lecture and fuss at our little ones into loving Jesus. We're made to encourage. Made to love. Not made to save, but made to head the right way.

Onward. Together.




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Dear Homeschool Mama {10 Truths To Keep You Trucking}

{I don't write a lot about homeschooling, but I found this in my draft folder this morning and thought it might be a good time to share. We're nearly there!}

We're a few months from the end, enough where you start to look around and realize that this is it: how homeschool life really looks in this house this year with these kids at these ages. Well then. Not quite how we pictured it back in July when September seemed a lifetime away and school and schedules seemed as plausible as snowflakes. We knew they were coming but they were such a long way off we almost forgot they weren't just part of a fairy tale.

But now here we are and each morning blearily staring down the blinking alarm and wondering just how we'll make it through another day. And what we were thinking anyway. And how on earth is this actually working when so often it feels like it's not.  I know we're almost to the finish line, but this Mama still needs a shot in the arm. A quick glance down a list or homeschooling realities. Maybe you, too?

1) It's going to be a mess. Oh I know you have a friend of a friend who homeschools eleventy of her own kids and two neighbors besides and manages to keep her home like the cover of Real Simple, but most of us don't live that way. Consider - if your children were at school, a janitor would be cleaning those bathrooms. They'd be eating in a cafeteria and not in your kitchen, which needs to be swept 3 times a day. There is wear and tear on a homeschoolers house that is just not present in the same way in a home where kids aren't all day. So relax. You're not doing it wrong. It's just how it is. Embrace the chaos, but keep those kids on task with chores because

2) It's a full time job. Not homeschooling and parenting or homeschooling and keeping house. Homeschooling alone is a full time job. You're a teacher. When you're not teaching, you're planning, ordering supplies, stressing, printing, researching. Understand that you are working HARD. This isn't a hobby. It's a job.

3) It's not always fun. I chased curriculum for years before realizing that maybe it wasn't the curriculum's fault that my kid didn't want to do it. Maybe it was simply because my kid didn't enjoy every aspect of school always every single day. I know I didn't! And don't. And that doesn't mean we are homeschooling failures. It means that life isn't perfect. What a great lesson. On the other hand...

4) Natural learning counts. Just because they aren't complaining doesn't mean they aren't learning. Sometimes kids do love learning. It's easy and fun and you think "wait a minute - shouldn't this be more difficult?" Those moments are gifts. Embrace them when they come along.

5) It's Ok to delegate. Homeschooling takes many shapes and forms, and the word "Homeschooling" can be a bit of a misnomer. Really, it should be called "alternative learning style" because when I look at the many homeschool families I know, I rarely see one way of doing it. Some do one or two subjects at home and enroll in co ops for everything else. Some do Charters from home. You don't have to be your child's sole teacher to be a homeschooler. Giving our kids a variety of learning experiences from different places and people is one of the things we love about homeschooling.

6) It's more than just academics. Sometimes we let academics run the show so much that we forget that some of the most important lessons our children learn have nothing to do with math or science or history at all. Good stewardship, servant mindedness and kindness to others are huge life lessons. And you are teaching them every single day. That is a big deal.

7) February Fatigue is real. The more homeschooling Mamas I talk to, the more I realize it's true: We all find our burnout somewhere mid year. Guess what? School teachers do, too. It doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, that your kids are awful obstinate people, or that throwing in the towel is the best option. It means that everyone gets worn out by the mundane sometime. Don't be afraid to change some things up for a little bit to breathe new life into your days when you need to.

8) You don't have to love it. I actually don't really enjoy homeschooling - but I believe it to be the best option for our family right now. I'd love have all the benefits of homeschooling with none of the actual work. Some of my friends really do nerd out about homeschooling - they love curriculum, they love teaching, they make a hobby out of teaching their kids. It's inspiring and awesome. It's also not me at all. If I never have to try and get a resistant child to focus on math again for the rest of my life, well...I wouldn't hate it. But I can still do it, and do it well, knowing that it's good and right for us.

9) It's not a guarantee. Sure, homeschooling statistics are awesome and homeschooled kids really do seem to hold their own just fine against their public schooled peers. But homeschooling is not a guarantee that your kid will make it into Harvard, have harmonious life-long relationships with their siblings, or never stray from the ideals you've set in front of them. People are people. Children are their own people. Do your best by them but do not be devastated or wonder what you did wrong if they don't turn out in that perfect way you always imagines.

10) There's grace for today. I used to get all freaked out if we didn't get to it all in one day. I expected my kids to do every single subject every single day. Schools don't even do that, but I was convinced we had to. One of my favorite things about homeschooling is the flexibility to see where your child is today. Not only from an academic stand point but from a spiritual and emotional point of view. Some days a kid needs something more...and some days? Less. Some days the kindergartener really does just need to be sent out in the back yard for some alone time. School will be there tomorrow. He's not losing any momentum by having his needs addressed. If anything, pushing him on when he clearly needs a break will do more damage. So rest easy. A kid doesn't cease learning or thinking or growing when you close the book.

We keep on keeping on with this lifestyle and I find to my surprise that we have the best homeschooling year yet. Maybe I say that every year, but this year it feels true.  When I can keep my expectations in check with my little list of truths, I can enjoy what we have today. Treasure up these moments, knowing that life changes quickly and one day this will all be a fond memory.

Homeschooling is hard. But I can't imagine life without it.



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Around the Edges

Today I was knitting on the couch. And by knitting, I mean I was buried beneath my two toddler barnacles who were doing their best to jostle and twist my knitting and maybe even get stabbed in the eye with a double point. All this was happening while I was also "teaching" math - that is, helping where help was needed and someone just simply couldn't remember how ratios worked. All this to say, somehow I ended up knitting with a pencil instead of my wooden, double pointed size 10 needle - so similar in size, weight and feel that it took a moment for it to register.

While I ripped back and reinserted the proper implement, I thought about a time when I intentionally knit with pencils. That is, a time when I was so desperate to knit that I improvised. I was a kid then, but I carefully practiced casting on and knitting a few rows on, yes, sharpened pencils I found around the house. It seems that the lack of proper materials was no match for my budding creativity. I was going to be "me" no matter what, darn it all.

These days I'm buried under toddlers. When they aren't snuggling and jumping on and squeezing and kissing and loving on me, the baby inside me is kicking me as a reminder that I'm never, ever, ever not being touched by someone. And in the midst of all this touching and loving and skin-fatigue, I'm also teaching and parenting and laundering and cooking and merry-making and love-giving and reassuring and disciplining and cleaning.

But regardless, I can't be someone I'm not. Like my 8 year old self, I'll find a way - fit myself around the edges and intertwined and infused with the job and life I have here. Mothering and living and working the way I do, the way I can. I find a way to fit in the desperate need to create that has always been a part of me into this vocation that is all about the giving away.

I hand back the pencil to the giggling math-resistant child and say a little prayer of thanks that God makes Mamas in all shapes in sizes, with all affinities and skills and desires and talents. And that I can do this, just the way I am. Fitting my own peculiar self in around the edges - uniquely fitted for the life for which I was made.

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Heart Hospitality {3 Things To Try}

A few weeks back, friends of ours who live nearby invited us over for dinner. We walked over as a family, all eight of us with the babies pulled in the wagon. Our sheer numbers are intimidating to people and invitations for dinner as a whole family are a rare treat. I was inspired. Their home is smaller than ours, but they invited a family of eight over, joining theirs of 6. We fed ten kids in their combo dining/living room and I felt it - that feeling that I was being taught something, right here, right now.

My house has always been my excuse. When a new family from out of town joins our church and I really want to make friends, I think about my little house and large family and keep my invitations to myself. When friends want to get together for a play-date, I think of ten-plus kids running up and down the stairs of my hundred year old home and keep my mouth shut. 

The thing is, hospitality grows community, friendships, lives. The lack of it just serves to fuel disconnect, loneliness, self centered living. Hospitality gives families space to grow, to reach out and be a part of something bigger. Something I miss out on when I pile up my well rehearsed excuses and allow them to build a wall between me and others.

A hard lesson when life doesn't always look like I want it to. A soft stretch for humility when I grasp what it truly means. Giving what I have to another, whatever that is, however that looks. For us, in this crazy time of 6 kids ten and under, not at all like a Pinterest board or Real Simple magazine. Much louder and less neat, but still a thing of beauty and joy when offered with kindness and love.

I was so inspired by my friends that, a week later, we called them over for a backyard bonfire. Our kids ran wild in the gathering dusk and the four of us sat around the fire for hours talking. Easy. Simple. Fun. Putting my kids to bed later on, they couldn't stop talking about how much fun they had, what a wonderful night it had been, how excited they were for "next time." To them, the perfect evening. A lesson in living in community, right where you are.

So I work on my heart, just a little bit at a time. Three things I'm learning?

Give Yourself The Grace You'd Give Another. If you wouldn't judge another Mama harshly for her dated decor or small space, why assume someone would judge you for the same? We are often our harshest critics. Be assured that what you have is not what strikes people about you, what gives your home warmth or your hospitality quality. It's your heart.

One Step At A Time. You don't have to invite a family of 8 over first thing (though rest assured if you do, they will love it!). Invite a new Mama with an infant over to sip coffee while you fold laundry. Offer to take a friend's kids for the day. Small things with great love is the perfect place to start.

Give What You Can, Not What You Can't. If providing a four course meal for a large party is not in the budget, don't do it. Hospitality is for everyone, not just for those who can offer a gourmet meal to their guests. It's not about the food you offer, but the friendship you extend.

It always takes courage to give your heart away, even in small ways. But when you do, you have the opportunity to gain more than you ever thought possible.


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Weeds and Growth

"Oh no, Mama! Don't pull that one! It's so pretty!"

I'm finally cleaning out those garden boxes out back. To be honest, I wasn't at all sure I'd get to it this year. So many things on my heart and mind that pulling weeds and battling the groundhog population just seemed like another defeat I couldn't bear.  Still, on the prettiest day so far this year, I found myself on my knees with my hands in the dirt. It felt marvelous, as it always does.

"I know they look pretty, honey, but those are weeds. If we leave them, they will choke all the plants we want to grow. We have to get rid of them."

Oh, those sweet, innocent looking purple flowers. They are rather pretty, I suppose, but I know something my daughter doesn't. I know about the impossibly complex underground root system, how they crawl their way through and over everything, intent on taking over the whole world. I know that, pretty as they are, they are evil. Pure evil, at least to this disgruntled gardener. They must come out if anything good is to grow there.

She sighs and bends down to pull one. As we work, side by side, I think about gardening and weeds and the many reasons it's so good for me to get back into it. The lessons I learn out there, soaked in fresh air and sunshine and perspective. Truths to share with my kids with visual aids built right in.

We pull weeds and the time just floats on by. I know first hand how hard it is to extract things from your life that  need to go for you to grow.  How the destructive things in life don't always appear bad - sometimes they are downright attractive, innocent even. Sweet and unassuming, and not until later do you realize they are taking up space that belongs to something else. Like pretty little weeds, intent on taking over, sneaking in and rooting deeply.

We get to the middle of the box and she asks "Mom, is that a weed?" and I realize, no...some things have survived. Despite the mess all around, despite the choking weeds...they're keeping up the fight, going right on growing. Another lesson - that you can always clean things up and start over.

I don't know what will grow this season. I don't know how well I'll stick to it. But I know that if I work at it, one day at a time, amazing things are sure to happen. Beautiful, happy things. Things that make it all worth it, in the end. Every drop of sweat, every back ache, every sunburn. And every pretty weed pulled.

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Live Like a Kid {A How To} #MindfulMotheringMondays

"Ok, it's Mama's turn on the swing."

It's finally summer and this year I'm thirty. I still feel like a kid. Being at home with my children during the summer affords me the luxury of embracing summer just like those kids I'm raising. Eating popsicles and watermelon, running through sprinklers and exploring lakes, napping with the baby on a blanket in the sun with a good book nearby. While I love the learning rhythm during the school year with my kids, there's just something about summer that brings me back every time to the barefoot, tan, happy kid I used to be.

Fiona slips off and it's my turn, kicking my sandals off and soaring up toward the trees. In that moment, if I close my eyes with the sun soaking deep into my skin - I feel about 8 years old. And that feels marvelous.

You don't have to be a stay at home parent to capitalize on the fountain of youth that is an amazing summer. With a good plan and an intentional attitude, anyone can experience just what it's like to live like a kid this summer.

The secret to feeling young is looking at the world with fresh eyes. There is always something new and exciting to learn and see. In my life, there are always more chores to do, more demands on my time than I could ever get to. The truth is, I'll never get it done all in one day, not even if I work from dawn til dusk and beyond. But making space for myself to breathe and enjoy this season enables me to truly focus back on my work when I return to it, making me more effective and centered.

Here's my list for embracing summer like a kid - and keeping myself soul-young.


Create. Whether your project is building a new garden area or painting a cabinet you found for free on the side of the road, make time to create. If possible, bring your kids right along side.. It can be something that enhances your life, but try as much as possible to choose a project that you enjoy, not something that is just work.

Read. One of the first things that falls to the wayside when life gets busy for me is making time for a book. Intentionally recapturing that during the summer months is a great joy for me. I'm taking book suggestions so if you have an idea, let me know!

Explore. This year we are making a list of our favorite parks and trying to get there a few times a week. Not only is it good for the kids, but it's great for me, too. Museums, zoos, historical sites, or even nearby towns are a great place to start.

Embrace. That hair-brained idea your kids came up with that is just so crazy it could be fun? Do it, if at all you can. The high from believing that anything is possible is quiet addictive and so, so fun.

Rest. If daily quiet time slipped away during the school year, bring it back in the summer. Time for the kids to quiet down, yes, but also time for you. Don't use it to do laundry or clean. Use it to really truly rest. Even just 15 minutes can be the calm you need to re-energize for your next adventure.

Move. Even if it's just a walk around the block, making time to be physically active is always worth the effort. It's even better in the summer months when it can be incorporated into time outside.

The best part of working on these goals for yourself? Is that, in doing so, you encourage your kids to keep it up. Childhood is short and fast fleeting, but with a young-at-heart Mama leading the way, those kids of yours will keep the magic alive for longer. And that alone is worth it all.

{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes. A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life. A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now.

You might post recent struggles or thoughts. Maybe just a picture or a quote. Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post. Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together. Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.

I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday! Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below. Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us! And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter. This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:

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When Your Life Is A Bubble {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

I'm not through my first cup of coffee, scrolling through my facebook feed, when I see it and feel that sickening feeling of being punched squarely in the gut. Just another news story of something so evil I can hardly comprehend it. Just...no. No. I recoil and snap my laptop shut, but I can't unsee that headline. My stomach turns. I dump the coffee out in the sink.

My friends and I sometimes joke about life in the bubble and how we are so insulated here. A place where I can live in trust and without fear. My kids have good friends. Our community is strong, loving, supportive. Our exposure to pain and hardship slight. My children have been blessed with a childhood of innocence, something so beautiful and increasingly uncommon. I'm so grateful for that. Their friends have involved parents, often with the same morals and beliefs that we have. Despite parenting differences, we have similar goals.

But sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough. I'm not flying a world away to witness slums and hardship. I'm sipping coffee in my small but warm home with enough food to feed an entire village in my fridge. I'm not swooping in and saving abused children from their abusers. I'm singing songs to my own toddler and nursing the baby in a warm bed. There's that little bit of guilt that gets me when I spend day after day snuggling my own babies and feeding my own family. I can look at the vocations of others and feel a bit ashamed that they're not mine.

I think about it when I read Isaiah 55:10-11 during our morning bible time. It catches me, stops me short. These crazy chaotic mornings when I'm sure my kids can hardly hear me reading above the din? They matter. When Bible time and prayers take place in the messiest living room ever and half of us are still in pajamas? It's still good. It's enough. It's what He has for me, right now - and it won't be in vain. Each day, I'm planting seeds and watering those I've been gardening up for the past ten years.

When you raise children in security, concern yourself with the shaping of morals and character and are right there when they need a reminder of how we live and why, you make a difference. That's not to say they will be perfect individuals, immune from mistakes. But they'll know the difference. They'll spot it right out. Raising children with soft and courageous hearts is no small work. When my boys are men, they'll know how to treat women and children and they'll stand up for what's right. When my girls are women, they'll have beautiful hearts of compassion and fight injustice wherever they see it. Even from my bubble, I can touch the world.

Pouring love into your own kids matters. I can't give every child in the world a beautiful, happy childhood. But I can love on the ones around me and know that the good stuff always multiplies. On and on and on, my little sacrifices of love will continue to bless far beyond my bubble.

Someday, my six will be sent out in six separate directions, touching lives and making this world better. Maybe then I'll finally grasp it - the point and worth and weight of just another morning here.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven

    and do not return there but water the earth,

making it bring forth and sprout,

    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,

11 

so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;

    it shall not return to me empty,

but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,

    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

Isaiah 55:10-11

I'm an imperfect mom raising imperfect kids. But every kiss, smile, every hug, every conversation steeped in love - makes a difference.

{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes.  A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life.  A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now. 

You might post recent struggles or thoughts.  Maybe just a picture or a quote.  Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post.  Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together.  Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.

I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday!  Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below.  Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us!  And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter.  This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:

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Peace Places

Today is a rainy, blustery Fall day.  The type that make you want to cozy up with a flannel quilt, a few books, a few kids - and revel in the comfort of home.  A few of the kids seem to have picked up a cold this week - not entirely surprising considering the post - Halloween sugar surge and the fewer hours of sunlight.  I've got plans for a big pot of chicken vegetable soup and biscuits for later, and oatmeal and tea seemed to hit the spot just right this morning.

I'm not a morning person.  I don't tend to get up much (if at all) before the children, so the mornings are off to a manic pace before I've had a chance to swallow some lukewarm coffee.  The babies must be diapered and fed, breakfast made and served, dishes and laundry started.  Dinah is sent to reading, Daddy off to work and by bible time I'm still not out of pajamas.  Mornings are crazy.  Mornings don't agree with me.   I know I could be more organized about it all.  I could maybe try to pry myself out of bed without waking the various occupants to get a head start, but recently when I have made the attempt, it has backfired.  It makes much more sense to stay in bed as long as everyone is happy and sleeping.

But afternoons, afternoons are my place.  My space.  The house quiets down.  Babies nap.  Dinner is made.  After lunch chores leave the house a little less cluttered.  Older kids find books to read, places to play, things to do.  We wrap up school in a quiet and peaceful way without toddlers underfoot and babies in carriers.  I turn on some music and knit for a bit.  The whole family seems a bit more at peace.

I've been thinking about it - just where I find my peace and why those spaces are different than others.  What makes me breathe deeper, smile wider, feel lighter?  So I made a few lists.  On one - the things that rachet me up, get me going, rub me the wrong way.  On the other - the things that soothe me.  

I often feel guilty that I'm not "like" other people.  Despite my efforts, organization is not my strong suit.  I battle against my own personality quite a bit, trying to shoe-horn myself into my idea of what a "good" person would do.  And time and time again, I fail.

Last year, when we tried out an online public school, I came to the realization that something had to work for both me and the kids in order to be a good choice for our family.  I'm revisiting that notion this year, taking a good hard look at the personalities, needs and seasons we are dealing with and trying to be flexible, to find a solution.  Finding the places that peace tend to lurk in my life and in my home and finding ways for those to flow over into other areas.

One of my biggest fears about easing into the day as opposed to hitting the ground running is that everything won't get done.  If we don't start book work until nap time, will I be drilling math until bedtime? But really, part of the beauty of this lifestyle is each day can be different - following the needs of the family, not the confines of some predetermined schedule.  Being open to what is right right now.

 Each day, a new chance to find new footing, to try something new or to relax back into patterns that work.  Looking for the places where peace rests and living just there.


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Raising Helpers

"I didn't make that mess.  It was the girls."  His hands are shoved deep into pockets and his face brims with the unfairness of it all.  "Why should I have to pick it up?"

It's Saturday and I saw it, on the walk back from my moms.  That yard.  That place where the neighbor kids flock first thing after school and are sent home just before dark.  That beat down bit of dirt beneath the swings where little feet trample day in and day out.  The tree fort where girls whisper secrets and play pretend, where boys draw treasure maps and play cards.  The sand box made by Uncle Jy when he was just a high school kid, nailing together boards for his sister's babies.  It's a good place for kids - a safe place.  A place I don't mind looking like it's reigned by big imaginations in small bodies...but even I have my limit.  The remnants of yesterday's tea party rain soaked on the picnic table.  Plastic icy pop sleeves littering the lawn. Sand buckets full of water, army men marching through weeds.  Chaos, everywhere.

I start in my lecture about stewardship.  His clenched jaw tells me more than his eyes, that his thoughts are elsewhere.  It's.not.fair. is written across his face.

We get it picked up, the kids and I.  The girls help, too.  There is grumbling.  And lecturing.  And I spend another night wondering how, just how, to raise good stewards.  Helpers.  It doesn't happen over night, that's for sure, and my lectures seem to make attitudes worse.

I remember the kids of a friend of mine from our homeschool co op.  I was struck when, between classes, her children would come find her, check in and ask, "Is there anything you need?  Can I help?"  Boys and girls alike, 6, 8, 10, 14 years old.  Searching out their mother and asking if she needed anything.  It took my breath away then.  It still strikes me now.  It's not about making slaves of your children.  It is about raising helpers, growing people who are ready and willing to be of service to others.  It is about selflessness and love.  It's about being a blessing.

At first, I add it to job lists.  There, right at the end, after emptying trash and brushing teeth, making beds and bringing down laundry, I write it on each one: Ask how you can help.

That first grader, the one always begging for more school, she's done first, as usual.  She comes up and asks what this new note on her list is all about.  I pull her onto my lap and tell her about helpers, the people who give and ask nothing in return, and point straight back to Jesus, spreading His love like wildfire.  And I tell her that she can be a person who sets the world on fire with love and grace.  With just a few little words.  "How can I help?"

She nods and those dimples nudge deep in her cheeks.  "So Mama, how can I help?"

She sets up a train track for Peter.  He's delighted, and it spreads right back to her.  She comes to find me, in the kitchen, and wraps her arms around my waist.  "It's true, Mom.  I can feel the light.  Right here."  Her hand on her heart, she realizes that being the blessing means a double portion of joy.

It's when you discover the joy in being the blessing that you unlock the potential to show the world the source.  One by one the kids come to me and ask to help.  It's not habit for them, yet, but I hope it will be.  In raising them to be helpers, I'm sending 6 people into the world to be a blessing to others.  Making the world a better place, one person at a time.



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As They Grow

These days are good.  Not perfect, but good.  Homeschooling is something I love, but it isn't something that is easy.  One of my favorite things about it is how it fosters close sibling relationships.  One of the hard things is that those relationships are often the result of opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to learn how to get along.  Bumping up along side one another, one of the biggest lessons we learn is simply how treat  others.  How to treat people different than us.  Navigating relationships with siblings teaches so much.  Socialization is alive and well here.

One thing I often say is, "If you can't figure out how to treat your sibling well, I can't trust that you know how to treat others well."  It's really true, isn't it?  That home is the nursery to learning how to treat others for the rest of our lives.  These first relationships (and how we learn to resolve issues) set the tone for friendships and beyond.  We're not just teaching our children to get along with each other.  We are training them how to treat everyone they will come in contact with.  Perhaps that is why Human Dignity is so high on my list of things I want them to grasp firmly before they leave home.  It speaks to their relationships with friends and with those who aren't friends.  It speaks to their relationships with the opposite sex and the respect and value necessary in those relationships.  And it speaks to how they treat those who are different than they are, yet still worthy of respect and honor.

It can be daunting these days, as the questions change and my older children continue their march toward adolescence.  Themes I am afraid to broach start cropping up.  As they grow up, I swallow my fear down and realize that those lessons we've been teaching their whole lives - those first few tracks laid down - they build on one another.  The conversations we had when they were two and three, they come back around.  The themes we've been visiting and revisiting, year in and year out, about service, human dignity, humility and faith - those lessons just deepen.  The conversations branch out, but share the same roots.

When I realize it, I feel better.  These kids, they are good, smart, strong and courageous.  They've been listening, paying attention.  They know these things.  So when the new questions crop up and I freeze, paralyzed and not sure how to proceed, I can remember that we've been here.  The answers are still the same.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself.  Everything comes down to that.  As they grow, I start to see it - how those seeds planted from day one have taken root and are growing up, nice and strong.  Well watered by our continued efforts and refusal to back down.

As they grow, I'm looking into the future - and seeing the people they are becoming.  It is a beautiful thing.

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