Oh, it's been one of those mornings. Yes, already.
The baby was up, unhappy, starting at around 2:30, so by 4:30 I texted my walking partner and said I wasn't up to it this morning. If the baby finally slept, I was going to as well! Of course then I over-slept, woke to my husband nearly dressed for work, and sprinted downstairs to make his lunch to take in a kitchen that I had failed to clean up the night before. It was when I triumphantly handed him his lunch and was turning blearily in the direction of the coffee pot when Dinah asked,"Mom, what time am I supposed to go to reading class?" Oh. A half hour ago. I finally collapse onto the couch with a cup of coffee and that little nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something. Was I supposed to do something today?
Some days, I feel like I'm not cut out for this at all. I'm not one of those organized pinterest moms. My garden is more weeds than flowers, my house more dust than sparkle. I have a calendar and it's not current. I've planned our curriculum for this year, but I wrote it down on a scrap of paper that has since disappeared, so I'm starting back at square one. We are leaving on a trip to my in laws in less than two weeks and I still don't have a vehicle that fits us all. Yes, sometimes it seems I'm really not cut out for it.
But then, I wonder, if I'm not - then who? I, who never learned how to cook for less than 8 people, I who used to line my 10+ baby dolls up for diaper changes and kisses. It strikes me, hard - maybe those things aren't what it is all about after all.
A friend of mine wrote this incredible post about marriage. It hit me right between the eyes, and has been on my mind ever since I read it (twice). Maybe there isn't a perfect person to be a Mom, either. We don't come into the world, wanting to dash around serving other people. We don't naturally hanker for spit up down our shirts, hospital visits with reckless toddlers and a thousand loads of muddy laundry. Maybe being a Mother is all about the giving away. Marriage points us to the Cross - laying down our lives for another, to the death of our earthly selves. Perhaps Parenting is about the giving - the constant, continuous of giving away. First ourselves, in those dark early morning moments with howling teething babies - and then, later, the babies themselves, left behind as they leave childhood behind and claim their lives as their own.
And, just maybe, no one is good at the giving away. Maybe it's something we all fight, and will keep fighting, for the rest of our lives. Our human nature tends towards easy things, and parenting turns all of that on it's head.
I take one deep, grateful sip of my coffee before the toddler comes running up, sloshes it all over me. It's Fiona who brings a towel and asks, cheerfully - "Hey Mom, didn't we have a playdate today?" Ah. Yes. Every day a struggle, every day a blessing. That is what it is to be a Mom.
{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes. A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life. A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now. You might post recent struggles or thoughts. Maybe just a picture or a quote. Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post. Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you. We are all in this, together. Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.
I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.
I hope you'll meet with me each Monday! Here's what to do ~
Link up your post below. Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us! And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.
Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!
Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!
Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter. This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}
Grab the graphic here:
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to future posts. You can find me on Instagram, too! @LydiaJWill. Thank you.
This is such a beautiful post, Lydia, and your honesty truly heartens me. I am not an organized mom either. We have more than our share of rough days it seems. And it's easy to fall into the comparison trap of others who seem to have it all together. But really, we are the best ones for the families God has given us. And I think that being realistic about our weaknesses (not in an ashamed way, just an honest way) helps us continuously grow into better moms. My oldest is 12 now and I have learned so much since she was small. Also? I bet when our babies and toddlers sleep through the night we'll have a different perspective. :)
ReplyDeletewww.stephanielynnstevens.com
Excellent. I read something this morning that was aimed towards teenage girls, but really spoke to me as well, lol! It was about how we often think we have to live up to this ideal... to be a good example. But maybe being an example isn't what it should be about. Being real, being a friend, and struggling yet still living our faith and vocation, that is as it should be.
ReplyDeleteInspiration is so wonderful, but sometimes I think we need to be real. If we think we are the only ones struggling then we are likely to throw in the towel and give up. It is so good to know that you aren't the only one that forgets lessons and looses important pieces of paper! We all do! And that is what helps us, instead of throwing in the towel, seeing we are not alone helps us in picking that towel up, folding it and putting it away.
Wonderful post! God bless!
I don't know how you do it, but you always hit the nail on the head. Love this!
ReplyDeleteThank you :) I'm really struggling these days. Our little fa mily of five moved this week and it seems like the craziness just got crazier. But I like to remind myself that it's not God who sends us these horrible "I'm not good enough" thoughts. No, he sent us the beautiful babies because He KNOWS we're more than good enough...in fact we're perfect for them. No, those lies are from somewhere else. So whenever I hear them replaying in my head, I remind myself not to give it my precious time, and try to think of something else...something positive about where I am in life. But holy cow is it hard.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kim! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh yes, yes it is. A lot of things have been going "wrong" over here the past couple of weeks, and my but sometimes it's hard to even drag myself out of bed in the morning and face it. But you are right - the negative, bad stuff is not from God. And you can always find something to give thanks for.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on being real. I feel, sometimes, like it's a balance I can't quite get right. Something to strive for, for sure.
ReplyDelete