Spring Graces

It's the start of Holy Week and even though it hails on Palm Sunday, I feel that anticipation building. The sun pours in our kitchen windows on Monday morning when my little kids drag me down to breakfast.

After weeks of illness, we are finally, finally well and that alone feels like the most impossible gift. I get real sleep and marvel at how that makes everything feel brand new. A mundane morning of coffee and laundry and spilled cereal sloshing across the table feels like pure joy in light of where we've been.

It's all very Easter-ish, although we're not there yet. It's how Jesus and joy transform us. Every day life with it's endless repetition simply looks different when all the dirt has been washed away and the Sun shines in. There's a buoyancy to it. The tasks are still the same, the work still ever present, but there's purpose to it - and that purpose is pure praise.

There is still much to do to prepare. I have no idea what will be in the Easter baskets, or where my Stations of the Cross for children book has disappeared to. I need to inventory Easter clothes and make a few last minute purchases before all the good jelly beans are gone. I've got the normal baking to do and my own private ritual of scrubbing the house before Easter morning. It all could be quite overwhelming, but I'm taking a different view.

The ability to work, bless, care for, to fill a need - this is a gift. A grace. Giving one's time and efforts as an offering is a privilege. I'm learning this - the joy possible in being the blessing.

Right now, I'm just holding this feeling. This knowledge that all things can be made new. All washed clean and bright. That work can be worship and life reflects the joy we know not only when everything is perfect, but when everything is not - and we keep on keeping on with a heart that hopes.

My girls bring me the first snow drops of Spring and new life seems possible again. Lent isn't over yet and I'm still learning.


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On the 9th Day of Christmas

It's the 9th day of Christmas and I'm trying to hold on. Fighting back the urge to close Christmas all up in that red and green box and drag it to the basement. Giving us the rest of the weekend, the rest of the "12 days" before I shut it down until next year.

This is the hardest part for me. This in between. It's that time after the excitement, the parties, the candle lit services, but before real life begins in earnest. I'm caught between needing a break after all the merriment (because Christmas vacation is anything but for a Mom) and also needing some normalcy to our days. Some of that good family rhythm that keeps us all, but mostly me, in line.

It might seem that giving the kids a few more days of doing whatever it is they want would give me more of a break, but even in my go with the flow, laid back way I know that predictable boundaries give all of us a sense of peace. A restful knowledge of what is expected of us.

This is the year of purpose and at 30 I might be figuring it out for the very first time. That all the writing and creating and making is all just aimless stuff without purpose behind it. That a day without some sort of purpose or plan can wind around in circles until it ends with possibilities left unmet. I know I'll never be someone who packs my days with appointments, writes down every aim on lengthy lists or feels the need to be "busy" at all times. But there are things I want out of the days I have, and I need to winnow them out, give them thought and intention.

Perhaps that's what these last few days of Christmas are for? Figuring it all out. Making a plan (that is sure to include plenty of free time for free life because without freedom I can't breathe) that fits, and stepping into it on Monday with purpose and intention.

It's the 9th day of Christmas and I'm thinking that this is just what I need.


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New Year, New Word

We drove all day New Years Eve and made it home in time to ring it in with friends. I don't remember a time when I was more looking forward to a new year, a clean slate, a fresh start. 2014 was fraught with challenges but a lot of beauty sprung up as a result. I can see now how so many difficult and often painful experiences shaped me in positive ways, changed how I'll go forward from here on out. I'm ready for a fresh start but the first step to any new beginning is making peace with what came before. I think I finally have.

While we were gone, we had our dining room painted. It was lovely to come home to freshly painted white walls, all untouched and pure. I spent the majority of the evening telling the kids not to touch/bump/wack the walls, but I know that they will be touched. Dirtied. Chipped and worn. It's simply the nature of things here in this busy little house with busy little people. It reminded me of how a new year feels - fresh and clean and untouched at the beginning, but by the end marked by life. Experience. People. In good ways and not so good ways, but always because life happened. I can't think of a better reason.

I wrestled with coming up with a word for this year. Even thought of scrapping the entire idea because I couldn't narrow it down. I have so many hopes and goals and dreams for the coming months, but also a pretty good idea of how human I am. I know there are so many steps between where I am today and where I want to be, and some of my ideas for words seemed to get the cart before the horse, or else not encompass my vast array of concentrations for this year. I finally happened upon it and everything just fell into place. The more I thought on it, the more it fit.

This year, my word is Purpose. As a creative, discipline is not second nature to me. I'm more organic and natural in my approach to life, but that kind of waiting around for inspiration deal sees me wasting quite a bit of time, or spinning my wheels. There is so much that I want to accomplish in my personal life and beyond, but I know the very first step is to establish a finite purpose.

In 2015, I want to nourish with purpose -

My relationships with my family and friends, but most especially my children.

My spiritual life - by making more time for it.

My writing - setting specific goals and meeting them.

I want to grow in all of these areas and more, but first I need to find and name the purpose I'm seeking for each of them.  I need to take the time to discover exactly what is needed where and how to fit that into what seems like an already full life.

So, for this year - purposeful living. Family. Faith. Creativity.

I'm so looking forward to this!

Happy New Year to all of you - I can't wait to see what this year brings.

{If you'd like to check out the most-read posts from 2014, head over the my facebook page where I'll be sharing them!}