Surfacing

Its a slow process, but I felt it - that final upward lift last week and then today - breaking through the surface. I'm looking around, blinking into this new reality. Suddenly I feel it - the rush of oxygen into parts of me that I had almost given up on. Today, I'm feeling like myself - well, myself with a nicely growing little baby bump.

I had hardly dared hope I'd be feeling alright by Advent, and so I kept my expectations at record lows for the holiday season as a whole. I fully expected to just get by and, as a result, am feeling amazingly un-rushed. Doing just what I can every day and finding new joy every day when I can manage just a little bit more. A family movie night with popcorn and hot chocolate. Nightly Advent reading with the kids (we are working through Unwrapping the Greatest Gift - and loving it!)

Yesterday I made the decision to log off of Facebook on my phone during the day. Not a whole "Giving up Facebook" thing, not really anything official at all - but I was surprised at how much more centered my day seemed as a result. Having social media literally at my fingertips all day seems to accidentally swallow a lot of my time. I found I was more present, able to get my work done quickly and enjoy my children more fully. It seems, for me, peace comes when I find moments of mental stillness during the day - something easily lost when spare moments are taken up with browsing.

By last year's standards, I'm way behind. I've bought two Christmas gifts. Two. And don't even have the rest of them planned yet, my spreadsheet embarrassingly blank. Still, I know it will all come together just fine. Just how it needs to, just how this year is meant to be.

For today, thankful for surfacing - mentally, physically, emotionally. And waking up to see that while I was under, life somehow went on and everything is going to be alright.

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A Week in Joy

"To know God is to be so filled with Joy that it bubbles over and goes forth to bless the world."

~Peace Pilgrim

 Last Sunday, we lit the Gaudete candle and slipped into a week of Joy.

Snow flurried all around and each day dawned darker, shorter.  Still, Joy at the center burned brightly.

I prayed for Joy one night and woke up the next morning unable to contain it.  It poured over into my kids.  These days have been a bit crazy ever since.  Each day, more blessings just heaped on.

I'm not done with shopping or wrapping or baking.  My house is not clean and I'm not sure what everyone is wearing Christmas eve. Still...Joy.  It stands in front of me and keeps anxiety and stress at bay and we're all just bathed in the glow.  I smile brighter, laugh louder.  All is fine.  Better than fine. All is right.  All is good.  All is grace.

We bake cupcakes and the kids get more frosting on the table than on baked goods.  They suit up and go out and bring a yard-full of snow with them on their boots, spilling water all over the kitchen.  Popcorn is all over the floor and I'm vacuuming for the third time because the baby really shouldn't eat it as she crawls around the house.

We watch Christmas movies and invite neighbor kids over in their pajamas to join us.  Peter claps each time we blow out the Advent candles and Jonah insists on making wishes.  Well, alright then.

Nothing can derail Joy when it comes straight from Jesus.  We can bathe right in it in our own imperfect ways and days.

Dinah writes love notes and sticks them to the fridge.  I'm just looking around in amazement.  8 souls in this home and we're all leaning in toward the Light.

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18 December

O Adonai, et Dux domus Israel,

qui Moysi in igne flammae rubi apparuisti,

et ei in Sina legem dedisti:

veni ad redimendum nos in brachio extento.

The great O Antiphons began yesterday.  I just learned about them for the first time last year, and this year I'm so happy to greet them back again in our Advent rhythm.  One reason I adore them?  They don't begin til December 17th!  That is when I feel the Christmas season (for Mamas, especially) can reach a fever pitch in all of the extras, and it is so very nice to have something to meditate on, chew over, keep close and remind me of the reason for it all.  It can be so easy to get swept up in all the hullabaloo.

So I'm thinking on O Antiphons and knitting a few rounds.  I had forgotten about this yarn until I was digging through the enormous yarn bin in my closet searching for yarn to make more Elf shoes.  It's a lovely peachish color in real life and I've been meaning to use it for something for Rosie.  It is from Stonehedge Fiber Mill here in Michigan and was included in the enormous gift from my yarn fairy a few months back.  I've knit with it before and love the weight (a light worsted that goes on forever!) and the super soft feel to it for baby things.  I pulled it out and cast on for a Milo vest with the horseshoe cabling in an 18 month size...likely a bit too big for Rosie now but hopefully will take her into next fall.  I'm not sure it will be done for Christmas, but I'm sure in the midst of all the activity, she won't mind a bit.  I've never made a cabled Milo before, and I'm really enjoying it.  Just a tiny bit of something extra to keep things interesting.

This weekend, family starts coming into town.  There are parties to attend, food to make and this Mama could get spun right out of control.  Turning to two things that keep me centered and sane - knitting and prayer.

What are you working on?


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Elfing {Gratitude}

On Monday night, I finished the last of the gifts to send to faraway family.  As the baby slept stretched across my legs, I cast on for a little pair of elf shoes.  They knit up quickly, and the next day I was able to get them felted and tried on her little feet.  The pattern is "Elf Shoes" by Pamela Wynn.  It's free, and sizes range from baby right on up through adult.  I knit the foot up with Malabrigo and the leaves in some leftover mystery yarn...I think it was peruvian.  I am convinced that felting is downright magical.  That something so big can shrink down so small (not to mention three dimensional) is positively miraculous.  And so much fun!

Oh, they are absolutely ridiculous.  Yes, just silly little things, but I'm really happy with them.  I'm happy with them because they are probably "it" for her this year for Christmas.  I'm happy because they were made with yarn sent from my "Yarn Fairy," as were most of the gifts I made this year.  I'm happy because all of those years ago, my Grandma taught me to knit and I fiddled with it again as an adult.  I'm happy because a little bit of gifted string and passed on knowledge can create something special for someone.

My Christmas is never the most photogenic.  It tends to be a bit of a "kid-Christmas."  Garishly colored lights on everything because who can say "no" to these kids who just want bright lights everywhere?  My Christmas is never the most expensive, and my children won't be getting some of the things their peers are anxiously waiting to unwrap underneath the Christmas tree.

But this year, I'm grateful that the thing that soothes me and brings me joy is something that can also be wrapped up and passed along.  Something that can be made into a token of love and appreciation for someone else.  Not because I'm so great or have so much time or energy to make everything from hand, but because it gives me the chance to give more than I'd be able to otherwise. With knitting, I can wrap my people in my affections.  I'm grateful for that.

There are a lot of things like that.  I'm so grateful I'm able to take my kids out in the snow and play with them.  That I can read them stories and say all the colors of the lights on our tree, one by one.  That I can feel the weight of my four year old nestled in my lap and hear him say that our little charlie brown tree is the most beautiful he's ever seen.  I can take them to the Living Nativity at a local church and stand freezing in the cold while they pet the animals and take it all in.

Sometimes our God-given abilities are the things that are easiest to take for granted.  I can forget that every breath we breathe, every touch, every smile - is a gift.  And yes, being able to knit is just like that.  Being able to cook, or bake, sing or dance, smile and laugh. This year, I'm so thankful that I'm able to experience it all and pass it on to those around me.

As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 

1 Peter 4:10

{Linking up with Ginny today!}

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Every Moment {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

We've had a bout with a few sicknesses going around this weekend.  I snuck out late yesterday through the snowflakes sprinkling the yard to the soft glow of my Mom's house.  I put my feet up a moment and said, "You know how people say to enjoy every moment when the kids are little?  It's not realistic.  It's not!"  Because really, every moment?  Every tantrum, or late night with a sick kid?  Every mess?  Every argument?  There's just no way to enjoy it all.

"I think it means to be aware.  To not charge through life always just doing the next thing, because someday you will wake up and it will be done.  I feel that way sometimes..."  Her baby is 17.  She had babies over more years than I - 16 years between the oldest and youngest.  But she says that it was such a mad dash, such a rush, so busy...that those years had a way of slipping on by.

I'm reminded of it when I try to convince those kids of mine to get a smaller tree this year.  "We have no space in here!  No place to put a big tree.  How about something small we can just cram in that corner?"  My girls are downright horrified.  How can Mama not realize that the tree goes there, between the bookshelves?  With twinkle lights visible through the deck door so when you make your way home from Grandma's, you can see it?  They wore me down.  We crammed a large tree in the normal spot, pushed furniture together and I can't even see how we can squish ourselves around the edges...but they don't notice. "Tree, TREE!" Peter cries as he makes his way down the stairs each morning.  They don't notice that it leans awkwardly to one side.  Or how the house seemed to shrink smaller still once we opened up the Christmas boxes.

Maybe that's what it means, as a Mom, to enjoy every moment.  Maybe really it is to see the moment as your child sees it.  To mine, this cluttered house in the midst of a full family virus is a magical Christmas wonderland.  Those Christmas tunes on constant repeat are the soundtrack to excitement and awe.  My kids don't see how cluttered the kitchen is as we wait for a repairman to come do some work, or the backlog of laundry I'm fighting through, or just how tight it is in the living room with 8 bodies, a tree and a few pieces of furniture.  They only see light.

And when Mama sees it too, that light just seems to shine brighter.  We light the second Advent candle this week and my kids can hardly contain their glee.  "Just two weeks til Christmas!"  I fight off an inward groan thinking of all that I need to do between now and then and instead smile back at them.  Seeing the world as they do, I unlock more joy.  Every moment.

{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes.  A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life.  A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now. 

You might post recent struggles or thoughts.  Maybe just a picture or a quote.  Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post.  Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together.  Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.

I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday!  Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below.  Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us!  And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter.  This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:

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{Making} Christmas

{A warning to those of you on our friends and family list of gift recipients: the element of surprise may be lost if you read Christmas posts here.  Don't say I didn't warn you!}

The girls passed the morning making stars.  We threaded wool yarn through a point and think they look quite nice hanging just about anywhere.  Christmas tree, window or even a chandelier, if we had such a thing.  Many thanks to the sweet co op friend who gifted us the supplies!  We are having so much fun!

I've got plans for edible goodness to take around to family and friends this year, the first where we have bowed out of our "pull a name"gift exchange with my family.  It was bound to happen, and to be honest I was ready to end it.  This year already seems more peaceful as a result of the shedding of a few of our normal traditions.  Still, I can't resist making a little something for everyone.  This year, I'm planning on caramel sauce...because it doesn't have to be eaten right away, but it certainly can.  Because everything is better with salted caramel on it.  And because I have jelly jars ready and little girls who want to embellish them.  And because they will travel well, fit snugly in a box and be easily delivered and stored.  Also, toffee.  Because it's my Mom's favorite.  And because toffee.  Yes, that's a reason.

Oh there's more making going on.  I just convinced myself Rosie needs elf shoes and a hat for Christmas (she's not getting anything else).  I've got 3 things on the needles right now that I wanted to be done by tomorrow morning...and I'm not ready to admit defeat.  My kids are still looming up a storm and wrapping their handmades in white paper tied with red yarn and elaborately illustrated with crayon.

This year, making Christmas.  It's feeling a bit elfish after all.


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Holiday Gifts for Children

I'm working my spreadsheet over here and googling all sort of ideas for gifts this year.  Each year we make another intentional move to "keeping it light."  Each year I think we could stand to go even lighter on the gifts.  Our children experience Christmas time in so many ways, and gifts are only one small part of that.  Advent.  Christmas Eve service.  Our family gatherings.  Time with cousins from far away.  Fun outings with Dad.  We find each year that those other things amount to so much more than the gift aspect.

Still, we like to get our kids a little something.  Modeling our Christmas after the ones I had growing up, we often put off purchasing even essentials to wrap up and put under the tree.   Ben needs a new coat?  It's a gift.  The girls need new tights?  Wrapped up and placed in their stockings.  But no one wants "just" a need as a gift for Christmas.  Here are some things we get for our kids.

Books

There are so many great books out there.  I like to purchase off the Caldecott winner booklist for picture books.  The older kids may get the next book in a series they are working through.

Art/Science/Model/Craft kits

Creative things for kids to do.  There are lots of interesting and imaginative kits out there!  Most toy stores only have a few, but craft stores have entire areas devoted to this.  Everything from cross stitch to build your own rocket to paint by numbers and model cars.  I love this sort of thing.  Something to do, something to make.

Games/Puzzles

Battleship.  Mancala.  "Don't Break the Ice!" Chinese checkers.  Pick up sticks!  So many great games out there for all ages.  I especially love this because it really helps during those deep winter months to have a few new games to pull out when the cabin fever sets in!

Life Skills

As my older kids grow, this is a growing interest of mine.  Kids pick up life skills naturally, but having their own tools makes it much more fun and interesting!  Cookbooks and a new apron for the budding cook in your life.  A tackle box full of "supplies" like duct tape, zip ties, swiss army knife, a few assorted tools and nails for the kid who wants to go out back and build something.  When we were kids, my sisters used to ask for the hottest new cleaning tool, and I recall one year my sister excitedly unwrapping a steam mop!  Kids love to do things and be involved in real life.  Giving them their own tools to accomplish these things encourages their growing and learning.

Toys

My kids love stuffed animals.  I don't get why, never really being into them myself.  But a stuffed animal that is actually adored and played with?  I'm fine with that.

Do you give gifts during the holidays?  What are your favorites?



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Pleasures

(Photo courtesy of my Instagram.  Are we friends over there?)

These December evenings are just so snug.  I'm usually buried under a few children on the couch after dinner, in that slightly uncomfortable place between "oh they are so sweet, don't move a muscle!" and "ow...my leg is falling asleep."  I know I'll come to eat these words in February, but I'm liking the deep darkness of these Winter evenings.  

Our evening Advent devotions are chaos, but not without their own brand of sweetness. My favorite part?  Holding hands and saying "Our Father" around the Advent wreath and taking in the faces of my six babes and their amazing father.  It's a natural and gentle end to our days, and it just feels so right. After the kids clamber on up the stairs, I try my best to get some gift knitting done.  I say "try" because at 8 months old,  our Rosemary still declines to sleep alone.  In my arms, or flopped across my midsection, her favorite resting place.  She can tell when I ever so cautiously slip her onto the couch beside me, or tuck her into bed.  I have mere moments before she calls to me again, so these days I'm giving in early and allowing her to stay just where she pleases - and knitting around her.  I'm a firm believer that babies cannot be spoiled.  Each one is their own unique self, with their own needs and preferences and well, what can be said of Miss Rosemary Beatrice?  She feels most secure and happy with her Mama.  And really, there's nothing at all wrong with that.

These days are flying by..and it's my pleasure to pass them in just this way: breathing in the soft sighs of my baby love and wrapping wool around a pair of sticks.  My favorite things, after all.

Linking up with Ginny today!

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