Summer's Here! {PHFR}

It's morning and the sun is shining when I slide the toddler who ended up with us in the middle of the night closer to Daddy's side, sneaking out of bed and down the stairs. It's six o'clock but the sun is already streaming in the kitchen windows and I set to work, packing a lunch for us to take on today's adventure. My husband meets me a few minutes later, sleepily kissing me before starting the coffee. Oh, these sweet summer mornings. My favorite.

"Is it summer yet?" Jonah wants to know. Fiona is very factual about the actual date of the first day of real summer (in typical big sister style), but we've unofficially dispensed with the traditional school days and moved into full on unschooling summertime mode. "Yep." Daddy's grilling several times a week. I can hardly snap pictures of the older kids because they are a blur, flying out the door first thing in the morning and moving until day's end. The babies are in a near constant cycle of sandbox, water, swing all day long. We are spending much more time outside than in, and most of us even have a tiny bit of a tan. The kids are all signed up for summer reading and the only time they can be found sitting still is when they are nose-deep in a book. My oldest already at the halfway point, trying to see how quickly he can tackle 600 minutes of reading this year.

Yes, Summer is here for our family. As always, I look at the calendar and realize that it's going to fly right by. There are so many things - good things - to do and see. I love the natural shift right into this sort of living. How I choose quicker dinners to toss at the kids because spending hours in the kitchen just isn't where my head is these days - and all they want for dinner is watermelon and hamburgers anyway. How they make up elaborate outside games that keep them engrossed from dawn well passed dusk. How I occasionally sight all 6 of them working on something together - that really is my favorite part. It's in summer that I notice how my kids are growing  - taller and sweeter every day. It's in summer that I can latch more fully on to the hope that it's all really going to be alright.

It's in summer that I feel like, after 9 long months of holding my breath, I can finally breathe easy. Life just keeps chugging right along and it's good. It really is.

One by one, our brood joins us downstairs. "What are we doin' today, Mom?" the kids want to know. And the very best part of summer is in the answer: "Whatever we want to."

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Mud and Knitting

Yesterday, all 6 of my children played happily and peacefully together for quite some time. I was on the phone with a friend and decided to let them go for it - even though it meant every last one of them was head to toe covered in mud. That's not an exaggeration. Spring storms coupled with, well, dirt, has kind of a messy effect. They love it. I'm a pretty "free range" Mama but I have to admit I cringed when I saw Rosie plop right down in the center of a mud puddle in some longies I had knit for Peter when he was small.

Ah, well. That's what it's for, right? I knit these things because I want people to use them, wear them, maybe even get muddy in them. I've never been someone who wants to put something pretty up on a shelf, far away from anyone, to be enjoyed from a distance. Perhaps it's my kinetic personality, but I prefer to touch and experience life...and I want my children to be able to as well. That means I let my girls wear dress up clothes outside because, to me, the point of dress up is to pretend, wherever you are. It means that sweet sweater I knit for Jonah has a little hole in it that needs mending after 3 children have worn it in every sense of the word. And sometimes it means letting kids do the dirty work/play of childhood and buttoning my lip against anything else. I can always get them another pair of socks, another tshirt, another pair pants. I can't manufacture these moments of theirs together, experiencing life in a way only kids can.

So, knitting. I've been doing a little bit lately. Mostly shorties for friends, which you may know if you follow me in Instagram (and you really should!). They go pretty quickly and are so cute! I finished up my third pair in less than a week last night. I can't wait to make Rosie a few! I hope that these, like all things I knit for children, are used, worn and played in. Possibly until they are worn clean out. I can't think of a better fate for something I made than to be worn and enjoyed to the fullest.


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One Thing At A Time

With Dinah's celebration on Sunday, we finished up our "Birthday Month" celebrations. A bit earlier than normal this year, due to some end of the month travels we have planned.  It has been a kind of a mad dash, 4 birthdays celebrated in just two weeks with company thrown in for good measure, but that's how it goes around here. Today is Jonah's actual 5th birthday, so I'm thinking a little about that sweet Spring day while putting away birthday crowns. Another year down. Another year lived well, or so I hope.

I'm in that inbetween space today of catching my breath from the last week and gearing up for the next huge undertaking. In reality, I shouldn't be catching my breath at all - there's really no time for that. My list is long and apparently not one of those lists that checks itself off. It's actually a bit debilitating just to look at, knowing full well that life doesn't pause just because I have more to do. Those smooth days of making a list and executing it in an organized and timely fashion are long past. It's somewhat of an every day struggle for me to be alright with that - and really just take it one thing at a time. I need to remember that the clutter and chaos that I'm navigating is not what defines me at this moment. The interruptions and the squabbles of the kids, the 10+ loads of laundry to clean and pack and the grocery list that just keeps on growing - that's not the running tally of the merit of my life. When I remember that, I don't take it all as personally. When I'm ok with it, I can move forward.

Packing a large family for even a short out of town trip looks quite a bit like preparing for the apocalypse (or Y2K, if you are my crazy mom.). Today I bake snacks for the car trip and remind my husband to get an oil change. My baby has a cold and slows me down with her needs - that's just the way it is. My sister in law takes my kids so I can finish up here and outside I can see all the mess that Winter left behind and try hard to just let it be until we get back.

The best prepared list in the world can't account for the constant and continual onslaught that is life here...but maybe that's just as it should be. When I know better than to think that a few lines on notebook paper could properly account for life here, I'm open to the days overflowing with life as it presents itself. One thing at a time, one task at a time, one moment at a time. Mindfully making my way through a life that's not always what I planned, but is always just where I'm meant to be.

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Preparing

Lent has been on my mind this week. It's late this year, and with the winter we've been having it seems an extra burden that we're still not there yet. Still, here we are, with Ash Wednesday less than a week away. I'll be singing at our church service that evening, so I've been listening to some of the music we'll be doing. A friend loaned me her copy the the Book of Common Prayer - something I've been wanting to look through for a while now. I'm leafing through it and coming up with ideas for how we'll observe this year. Likely with some added memorization and meditation in addition to a little bit of fasting. I really really love memorized prayers - something I had little use for when I was younger, but something that means so much more to me now. Maybe it's the press of adult life that makes the gentle brain-branding of memorization so much more appreciated. I'm not sure. But when I don't have the luxury of quiet time on my own, or a moment to myself to stitch my thoughts into something comprehensible, it's lovely to have those memorized words come bubbling to the top.

For the week leading up to Lent, just doing a little preparing today. Heart, home, mind.

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This Week {PHFR}

Oh, these winter weeks are something else entirely.  How can these short winter days feel ages longer than their lengthy summer counterparts?  I'm not quite sure, but as we approach February, my least favorite month, I'm looking around and feeling a bit out of it.  Today, linking up with {PHFR} to gain some perspective in the middle of the muddle.  Let's get at it, shall we?

{Pretty}

Last weekend was our 11 year wedding anniversary.  Pretty amazing.  I never think I'm old enough to be married as long as I have been.  J brought me roses and if we are friends on instagram, you may have gotten a peek at me trying to be brave in the face of a plate full of sushi.  Yikes.  Just a little outing for the two of us, but so much fun to take a moment together to celebrate over a decade of our shared life.  This thing we have is so good.  I'm struck every day at the wonder of having someone like him love someone like me.

{Happy}

A friend that I met through blogging graciously sent us some piano books last week.  My plan was to teach the kids on Fridays and have them practice during the week.  Last night, Ben settled down on the piano bench and taught himself the first few lessons without any prompting for me.  And I know it's silly, but my heart just flooded in that moment.  So much happiness.  So much gratitude.  Thank you to Carol for your thoughtfulness, encouragement and love.  It means so much.

{Funny}

Rosie is cracking us up lately.  She has such a little personality.  She's sweet, sassy and stubborn all at once (and no, I have no idea where she gets it...).  She's getting so big, so fast, popping out teeth left and right, her hair growing and curling.  Her latest passion is standing, balancing and taking one or two tentative steps.  She's a little later at walking than some of my other kids, but we don't mind a bit.

{Real}

There is no shortage to real moments here during the wintertime.  I cannot believe the rate at how quickly my housework gets undone when all of us are spending all of our time indoors.  Revving up motivation for this second semester of school has been a struggle as well - I think all of us are feeling a bit bored, tired, annoyed and lazy (especially me).  I'm fighting the urge so scrap all the curriculum and start over. I'm looking forward to next week when our co op begins and life starts to look a bit more normal.  All fine, all good, but goodness - very real.  Trying to remind myself that life and learning  isn't what happens in the perfect moments with no conflict.  Life and learning happens even on the hard days.  Even in the tough moments.  I'm clinging to that knowledge and hoping it will get me through.

How's your week coming along?


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9 Months {PHFR}

When I started this blog, Jonah was the baby.  Then along came Peter and now, Rosemary.  I know that this blog tends to be the {insert baby name here} show for the first year or so...but I can't really help it.  They grow and change so quickly and, if I'm being totally honest, they are the most willing to be photographed (or at least the most oblivious). You all bear with me so well!

Today Rosemary Beatrice is 9 months old.  Last night she fell asleep next to me on the couch and my husband kindly refrained from rolling his eyes as I asked him every few minutes to look, just look.  "Isn't she beautiful?"  "Isn't she perfect?"  "Isn't she amazing?"  "Isn't she...?"

Oh little Rosemary.  Such a love.  A really difficult baby, if I'm being honest, but such a darling at the same time.  On her 9 month birthday, how about a little Rosie Bea {Pretty,Happy,Funny,Real}?  The ladies over at Like Mother Like Daughter are on break that week, but that doesn't mean we have to be!

{Pretty}

Self explanatory.  And yes, I am horribly prejudiced, but I can't get over this one.  She's like a porcelain doll.  I could (and do) look at her for hours.

{Happy}

Rosie is a delighted baby -- unless her Mom leaves the room.  But these days, as she's crawling around the house at an alarming pace and excitedly finding things to eat off the floor, she's a much happier baby than ever before.  She's practicing standing and the big kids cheer.  How they adore her is a marvel, and she loves them right back.  In the morning, the girls come into my room and she reaches her perfect dimpled hands right out to be scooped up by a sister.  So much happiness.

{Funny}

Rosie has a ridiculous sense of humor.  She loves when the kids play "animal" with her, crawling up on her and growling while she shrieks with laughter.  She cracks up when I say "no biting Mama!" after sinking those gleaming teeth into my arm.  She thinks the entire world is downright hilarious.  Unless Mama's not home.  Then it's the sad and horrible.

{Real}

All of this to say, Rosie is exhausting.  Delightful, charming, lovely, exhausting.  I'm so tired all of the time, and I know it's because if I'm awake, she is, too.  The other day I cleaned up my room and put up the pack n play (for the second time) in an attempt to get her nap, alone.  She was in there for 10 minutes before she noticed I was gone.  I'm afraid it will take years of chiropractic care to repair the amount of babywearing I've done with this little chunker.  Still, I wouldn't trade her, or these last 9 months, for anything in the world.

Happy 9 Months Rosemary!  You've stolen my heart.

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Peace Making {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

On the first day of Advent, we ate pizza for dinner - the meal of a mom who is just plumb worn out from the holiday weekend and in need of a break.  We didn't get our tree this weekend and are still debating just where on earth we will fit it this year - our first as a family of 8 now in this packed little house.

Still, I love this season.  The brass ring in the middle of the table with four candles standing tall.  The readings and the quiet moments in the dark with just one candle lit - then two, then three, and finally a triumphant four when we celebrate the most dramatic act of love humankind has ever witnessed.

Advent has become a bit of a trend lately.  In our LCMS community it has always been celebrated, but in recent years I am noticing more and more families participating.  This is a good thing.  The not so great aspect is what is true of most of our religious holidays - they tend to become commercialized.  Pinterested.  And then suddenly, instead of being a sacred, meditative time of prayer and reflection, we start to get infected with guilt that we aren't doing it a certain way.  We scroll through our social networks and are bombarded with all sorts of decorations and activities to make it special - as if the celebration of Advent really came down to what style wreath to buy or coloring sheets for the kids.

I've had Advent guilt.  Last year I just couldn't seem to get going with it.  The thing is, making too much of Advent itself misses the mark completely.  When we lose sight of the point of it all by worrying ourselves with making memories with the kids or an activity for every night, with trying to keep a gaggle of wiggly kids still and contemplative at the end of a long day.  When we miss a few days of our special devotionals because we are too tired, or the kids are sick, or it's just the one thing that had to slide on a hard day - we get frustrated.  This is supposed to be a peaceful time, so why does it feel anything but?

I need to make peace with family-style Advent.  Because mine isn't all hushed tones and murmured prayers.  There are sticky kid finger prints decorating Advent this year, and the last, and probably the next as well.  As we start off this Advent season with the theme of Peace leading the way, I wonder what it means to truly be at peace with who I am.  Where in life I am.  What life looks like from here.

A family gathered in peaceful harmony around an advent wreath is not doing a better job of Advent-ing than the Mom who put the kids to bed early and whispers quiet and desperate prayers into the dark.  We're all looking toward the light in this dark world - me, from my cluttered living room.  Someone else, from a prison cell.  Or a hotel room.  Or a coffee shop.  Or a meticulously decorated home that takes my breath away.  We are celebrating His coming, and looking expectantly to when He comes back again.

Ordinary people living ordinary lives. Imperfect Advent might just be the point after all - He came because we needed Him.  We still do.

So I'll aim for quiet and calm and it will end up a knotted mess as usual, loud and crazy the way our days usually are.  I'm making peace with Advent and with my kids and with my life - and offering it up to that sweet Christ child who says - No, it's not enough.  But that's ok, I'll take it and turn it into something beautiful anyway.  Because He's like that.

Fiona tells me she can't close her eyes as we say our prayers because she's looking at Jesus.  "Mom, you said Jesus is the light.  I'm looking toward the light."

Me too, baby.  Me too.

{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes.  A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life.  A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now. 

You might post recent struggles or thoughts.  Maybe just a picture or a quote.  Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post.  Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together.  Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.

I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday!  Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below.  Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us!  And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter.  This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:

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These First Few Days

These first few days of homeschooling have been good.  And I mean "good," not perfect, lest you get the idea that everything has been smiles and rainbows and joyful learning.  There has been some of that, of course, and there has also been some pouting and arguing.  Typical stuff, I'd say, but I'm still calling it good.  This year I've got 5th, 3rd and 1st/2nd graders, and all are doing just great.

We slip in slowly this time of year - still taking plenty of time for "recess" outside.  It seems such a waste to ignore these beautiful 80 degree days (and without a drop of humidity!) on being inside.  This means that our school day ends up being longer - we're not finishing up until nearly 3 - but it really helps with the kids being able to focus.  Taking a 20 minute swing break while Mama gets the baby down for a nap makes a big difference in the wiggle factor afterward, when I'm trying to get them to pay attention to History.

I'm starting the day with bible and following up with circle time for the little kids while the older kids finish up chores.  Just a few books, a few songs, math manipulatives and some very basic science (we talked about eggs yesterday).  All in all, about 30 minutes.  Just that little bit of attention and fun first thing is really helping with them being patient while I work with the other kids.  Of course there still are interruptions, and tears, and sometimes it is so loud in here I wonder how anyone can think at all.  But it works.

One of my biggest goals for this fall was to get a chore chart up (and actually followed).  I know it isn't really school-related, but it made sense to start on that when we started our lessons.  We've only been at it a few days, but jobs are getting done with minimal grumbling from them or nagging from me.  The kids are learning new skills, and I can relax just a little bit knowing that, even if the job isn't adult-quality, important things are getting done.  I'm delegating a few things here and there, figuring out our balance of kid and adult responsibility.

These first few days of school haven't been perfect, but they have been good - grace filled.  Once again, I'm so grateful that this seems to be working - for us, for now.  Another year around this table.  Oh yes, it's good.


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