These last few weeks, thrown out of my groove and at the mercy of each wave of nausea, I've watched my carefully orchestrated world crumble.
No laundry has been done reliably in weeks. No grocery shopping, too many dinners of sandwiches and cereal. No walks taken with the little ones. Just me on this couch.
I've felt guilty about it, especially at the end of the day when he comes home, looking for dinner and quality time with me, only for me to lurch off to bed and leave him to find his own meal.
And while it would be easy to wish this time away, plead for an end to it, I am straining to see what God has for me here, now. No day is a wasted one, and no suffering unheeded by the One who is at our side, always.
He is the giver of Life and grace and he knows that I have many responsibilities and people looking to me and the house is such a mess and couldn't I possibly just clean a bathroom and...
But no.
He speaks to my heart and tells me, "Be still and know. Be still."
I'm stilling, and looking, and knowing that every good and perfect gift, every Life, is from Him.
At this stage with this pregnancy I found so much comfort in looking at "Being Born" and talking to the kids about how our baby was growing. I think it helped me see a purpose in my ....well agony at some points. I felt like a slug, but when I read about my baby's eyesight expanding and fingernails growing it seemed so much more worthwhile and when the kids got excited about it it made me feel better. Hang in there dear. Just think of th eamazing breastfeeding/postpartum hormones and the soft baby breath on your neck.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you. I do know. You are a great mom for your kids and God chose this time for you to incubate a new life. It takes a lot and you are doing something by just doing that. Can you ask your sister to come over and run a couple loads for you? I know my 3 and 6 year old love to run clothes to where they go (unfolded of course and always shoved in crazily). But they do get there that way. You can have the piles of laundry lay right in front of the couch while you tell your bigs where stuff goes and see who can get back the fastest. Now is the time for you to do your crock pot specialties. The meals will be warm every night when he comes home. Paper plates and cups are okay during this time and necessary. It's just for a short time.
ReplyDeleteCongrats!
ReplyDeleteI agree that now is the time for the Crock Pot. I have an friend who had 5 babies in 5 years and one day (no twins!) and for every single pregnancy she was SICK for the first half, unable to get out of bed. She threw everything into the crock pot every night, stuck it in the fridge, and her husband pulled it out & plugged it in every morning before he left for work. She and her littles spent a lot of time reading books and coloring & cuddling in her bed! Actually, if you haven't "met" her yet, you should, you would LOVE her:
http://bakersdozen.typepad.com/
Ah how well I recall that time (at 23 weeks along its finally past) and how bad I felt for the family who was used to good dinners and lived on frozen pizza (which sent me hurling.)
ReplyDeleteIt is really such a short time, and the end product, the new family member makes it all worth it.
This time will go by so fast. I think every has such great suggestions.
ReplyDeleteIt is true - how often are we just still...knowing that God is with us. He gave you this beautiful baby and he knows what you need and what you can handle.
It's going to be OK. Take care, my friend.