The Making Of A Marriage

{A repost today while I'm in the swirl of ballet recitals and ball games...and thinking about my sweet husband today who had a birthday this week!}

I'm up in my bedroom, sorting laundry.  Before I heave my well-filled basket down the stairs, I do one last walk around.  A good thing, too, because my husband has quite a collection of laundry on his side of the bed.

I stoop and picking up the layers he shed after long days of working and parenting, and considering that, in 30 years, I'll be picking up his laundry still.  After 9 years of marriage, he still seems to have a blind spot regarding the laundry hamper in the corner.

That's just how marriage is; flaws laid bare and vulnerable to your other half.  There's no hiding in marriage.  I know my own laundry list of shortcomings adds up to more than just a few pairs of jeans tossed in the corner.  In marriage, you are stripped down to your fundamental self.  Under the microscope of close, communal life, no flaw is left unnoticed.

As I sort, I think of him.  His face, several days worth of stubble.  Dark curly hair.  Wrinkles forming near his eyes.  Smile lines.   I think of all the things he does right.  Hard work and deep love and unwavering commitment.  It seems silly to get worked up about a rogue laundry pile in light of all that.

And maybe that's how marriage really changes us: as we're sanctified, we soften.  The wrinkles that seemed so insurmountable during those first few tumultuous years softly smoothed out as we extend grace to someone we have come to know inside and out.  Those years of sacrifice and service, they soften our hearts toward one another.  Precious, imperfect people just doing their best.

He may never put his dirty socks in the laundry basket.  I may never grow out of my bad habit of complaining.  Strong marriages are built on love, not because the other person is perfect, but because the other person is not, and still tries his or her best.

" Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32

{photos: 1) The boy I fell in love with, J in 2002. 2) J with Ben in our second apartment, 2004 3) J making breakfast, 2010 4) J with Peter, Christmas 2011 5) J with Fiona at the park, 2009 6) J with me, 2010}