Although I entered motherhood at a young age, by today's standards, I thought I had a pretty good grasp of what it took to be a decent mother. I was raised in a larger than average family and homeschooled so I had a front row seat to daily life as a Mom. At least, I thought I did.
I watched my Mom rock babies and kiss the scraped up palms of hysterical toddlers. I saw her cook and clean with a song in her heart and a babe on her hip. I could do that...right?
The truth is, the difficult parts of being a Mom aren't found in the blackness of sleepless nights, or the stark slopes of laundry mountains. The biggest struggle isn't in the changing of twelve diapers a day, potty training accidents or breastfeeding struggles. Caring for a whole family in the throes of a stomach bug is like child's play next to the real, bone crushing, soul deep struggles that Mothering brings. The ones that make you face down your very own self, seeing failures and flaws daily showcased.
Coming in contact with the humanness of knowing exactly who and where you want to be, and falling short day after day after day.
But perhaps therein lies the importance of it all. This work cannot be boiled down to a cook/clean/childcare/chauffeur position. No true pricetag can be placed on it. How does one quantify the costs and benefits of a job that rips down to your raw soul and yet gives you the strength and motivation to continue on? This is no desk job, no 9-5, "leave work at the office" kind of position. This is a life, a calling that seamlessly blends the service of others, sacrifice of self and the searching of soul.
Mothering requires us to take a long, hard look at who we fundamentally are, warts and all. There is no brushing it under the rug, no ignoring the mess. Its stares us down each and every day. But when you see that, when you are forced to acknowledge the flaws in you, that is when you can begin to do something about it.
The hardest part of all is also the best part of all. Even as you end your day knowing how you've once again messed it up, you can look forward to a a new day, mercies springing up in the sunshine, and resolve to do, and be...better
