Slipping

O Root of Jesse, standing as a sign among the peoples; 

before you kings will shut their mouths, to you the nations 

will make their prayer: Come and deliver us, and delay no 

longer.

O Radix Jesse

I feel like I'm slipping this week.  Night after night, I've sent my little ones to bed and thought back on a day that flew by - and, worse, a day that I was not proud of.  This week has been a tough one.

I'm not sure the disconnect, but it all seemed to come to a head last night.  My husband and I went out to finish up some shopping, and standing in a brightly lit store with people all around grabbing boxes off shelves, my head started to spin.  Then, pound.  I told my husband I needed some air, and stepped out into the dark, crisp night.

Sometimes the chill of a dark night is what is needed to snap me back to reality.

Christmas this year seems to ring false, and no matter how hard I try to fight the feeling down with more peppermint flavored Christmas spirit, my own heart stings with hypocrisy.  I wish I could say the cause was something noble, but in truth, I've just been feeling selfish.  Selfish in every possible way.  And when I feel so much ugliness inside, it is hard to see the beauty on the outside.

A friend posted the O Antiphons, and I've never seen them before - these ancient prayers for this time of year.  They seem to fit just right, and I spend my day clinging to them.

In the middle of this dark night, this dark world, these words spark like flint.  And like a certain little match girl, I hold my frozen hands up to the blaze.

O Come, Be Born in Us.  In Me.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or follow me by email at the top right hand of the screen to have future posts sent to you.