On another snowy day in February, I'm upstairs making my bed, letting self doubt and negative thinking blur my vision. Layer after layer, I lay it down. These days, I've been letting it get into my head - that notion that not only what I do here is not important, but I do it badly, too. I smooth a quilt over top and plump pillows before sitting down and burying my head in my hands. It could be the weather, or these long long days, or just the exhaustion that's set in. Whatever the cause, I'm at the bottom of a puddle, wondering just what it's all for.
I know some amazing mothers. People I look up to, people I'm inspired by. Moms who raise up great large families in faith and love. Moms who work outside the home and somehow make it work to homeschool. Moms who accept what life throws at them with an open hand, open to pain and sacrifice, taking it all on with grace. Moms who run excellent homeschools. Moms who create and maintain beautiful and happy homes, despite working long hours. Moms who open their hearts and lives to adopted or foster babies, reaching out and loving another's like their own.
It's easy for me to spot the incredible uniqueness of the Moms in my life. Much harder to see it in myself.
My toddler has found me and clambers up next to me in the bed, wrinkling my work by repeatedly jumping and landing on his bottom. He's delighted. I gather him up and cover him with kisses.
Yes, every Mom I know is unique in her skills and strengths, the way she is perfectly equipped to bless the family she has been placed in. And maybe, in that way, we are all the same. Mothers are the heart. The heart of the family, beating away, day in and day out, ceaselessly. Mothers are the center that touches on every part, every person. We are the love givers for the entire family, and that task is huge. It's also harder to see, so constant is the rhythm of our job, so quiet and so hidden deep inside. The outside of a family is what we notice first - not quite as visible is the Mom at the center who keeps everything running, radiating love into each corner of family life.
I realize that I've been looking at the outside of the Mothers I know - and forgetting that what I do and who I am is on the inside. These Moms are incredible on the outside, but I know that their true worth and accomplishment lies in the inside of them, too. The inside of their families - working away in a constant rhythm of loving and caring and doing the hard things.
Fiona comes along and pops her head in, says "Oh, can I jump too?" that I nod to, and she joins her brother on the bed, now partially unmade. From the outside, kind of a mess. It's when she turns to me and locks those blue eyes into mine that I know she can see it, too. "I love you so much, Mom. I wanted you to know."
And in that moment, I see myself clearly - right at the center, doing the work of a heart, the endless rhythm of love poured right out.
{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes. A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life. A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now.
You might post recent struggles or thoughts. Maybe just a picture or a quote. Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post. Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together. Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.
I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.
I hope you'll meet with me each Monday! Here's what to do ~
Link up your post below. Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us! And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.
Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!
Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!
Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter. This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}
Grab the graphic here:
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