Monday, July 15, 2013

Ten {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

Time is relentless in it's march onward.  Lately I've been making an effort to pause for a moment every day and take stock of the moment.  It never ceases to amaze me, these pauses to remember the past 24 or so hours since I stopped before - just how quickly each of these moments tick on by.  It's true, what they say - the older you are, the more time flies.  Have a few babies and watch it run right through your fingers like so many specks of sand.

And so, he's ten.  A decade.  8 mere years from adulthood, whatever that means these days.  I take him to the store to shop before the weekend and he tells me what kind of birthday cake he wants. We discuss social networking and why I don't think a 10 year old needs that, and he uses that word for the first time, like he's trying it out, just to see how it tastes: pre-teen.  And we goof off while waiting at the deli and he keeps making these ridiculous faces and I remember being ten and wonder when those freckles of his showed up - and if he'd pull away if I laid a big kiss on him right there.  I don't, but I do wonder.

When he was born, I became someone new.  We both were born that day, and I shed the skin of someone I would no longer recognize.  Today, I feel like I became me the day I held him in my arms for the first time, the sun coming right up, peeking in that hospital bedroom like it was hoping to catch a glimpse of this new person. All these years later, I still get goosebumps when we pass by that hospital, and I remember how they kept calling his dad my boyfriend and how it rubbed me the wrong way, and how that nurse told me I couldn't breastfeed him but I knew I could.  And I remember that I fought to be his Mama.  These days it feels like I'm fighting still, every day, to stay in this.  To do good by him.  A daily struggle to find the right path and lead him down it.

For his birthday, he asks for an ipod touch, disc golf and Calvin and Hobbes.  I read his list, stuck to the fridge with a magnet so I can't miss it, and realize how in love with this kid I am.  The truth is, he opened a chamber of my heart that I didn't know existed before he came along and changed my life and forced me to become more than just a self centered teenager.  His Dad and I make a list of rules for the privilege of ipod ownership, and he takes another step away from us in independence.

One decade down, less than one to go.  When he unloads the cart into the van, and pushes it back to the cart corral, I watch him in my rear-view mirror.  Tall and lanky, with a confident step and a tell tale smirk on his face, he's got me.  The boy who made me a Mama will always hold a special space in my heart.  I hope, one day, he realizes that I was just a kid, too.  And I fought every day to do the best I could.

Happy Birthday to my Benjamin.


{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes. A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life. A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now.

You might post recent struggles or thoughts. Maybe just a picture or a quote. Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post. Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together. Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.

I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday! Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below. Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us! And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter. This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:

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  1. And this one made me cry :( I mourn this type of relationship with my oldest. Such a special, wonderful bond you have :)

  2. You just brought tears to my eyes. Happy birthday to Benjamin and happy birthing day to you mama.

  3. Sara, our relationship is fraught with a certain tension that isn't there with my other kids as well. I need to continually remind both of us that we aren't siblings. I'm the mom. These first kids really are a baptism by fire!

  4. My oldest turned 10 yesterday, so I'm right there with you. We also had that little Winnie the Pooh hat for her as a newborn ( that I dug out recently to prepare for a new little one). Congratulations on 10 years as a mom! You summed it up so well!

  5. Love that last photo of Ben with Rosie! Happy birthday. Thank you for your thoughtful posts; many bring tears to my eyes and almost always encourage me in my mothering journey :-)


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