Honey and When Knitting Isn't About Knitting At All

I'm not sure I actually like knitting.

I love yarn. I love scrolling through patterns on ravelry, finally choosing the right one and getting all excited to start. But then begins the impatience.

I'm annoyed with the time it takes to wind the yarn and I can't wait to cast on, except I strongly dislike casting on. Take, for example, my most recent project. This honey cowl required 280 stitches cast on, due to knitting it out of fingering weight yarn. I had to pull it out and start over three times. By the time I was done, I was so irritated with the whole process! But it doesn't end there. About 2 rows into the border stitches, I'm bored and can't wait to begin the main body of the project. The excitement of that lasts about 5 rows before I am once again itching to be done.

Of course, I do love knitting. I'm just impatient during those times with knitting is really just about knitting. But sometimes knitting isn't about knitting at all.

I started knitting "for real" about 7 years ago, while pregnant with Fiona. In the years since, knitting has been a constant in my life. I could go on and on and on about creativity and how important that is, but knitting for me is more than that. In some ways, it's therapy. When I'm having a hard time, hurt feelings or just need to step away from something that is more than I can handle, I pick up some knitting. In no time, I feel better. I can't say why it works that way. It just does.

I read a book a while ago, really an unremarkable, silly little book. I did love the part about an old man who knitted stories. His memories spelled right out in brilliant hand dyed and spun yarn with particular stitches and cables that journaled the story of his life. Despite the lackluster nature of the rest of the story, that thought stayed with me.

So I knit a honey cowl in buttery yellow because I needed a reminder of sunshine and honeybees and daffodils and summer. I knit at it when I was happy and I knit it even more when I was sad. Embedded right into the fabric is my mind, my heart, my hurt, my happiness. Yesterday, alongside a cup of coffee - it was just what I needed.

Sure, I can buy a scarf at Target for a fraction of the cost, with no time spent. But knitting is more than that. Knitting is a piece of me, spelled right out in stitches for the world to see.

I'm not sure I like knitting. I don't, always. But I need it. For that, I'm so glad it's a part of my life.

*Ravelry notes for my honey cowl here. What are you working on?*

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