Its a slow process, but I felt it - that final upward lift last week and then today - breaking through the surface. I'm looking around, blinking into this new reality. Suddenly I feel it - the rush of oxygen into parts of me that I had almost given up on. Today, I'm feeling like myself - well, myself with a nicely growing little baby bump.
I had hardly dared hope I'd be feeling alright by Advent, and so I kept my expectations at record lows for the holiday season as a whole. I fully expected to just get by and, as a result, am feeling amazingly un-rushed. Doing just what I can every day and finding new joy every day when I can manage just a little bit more. A family movie night with popcorn and hot chocolate. Nightly Advent reading with the kids (we are working through Unwrapping the Greatest Gift - and loving it!)
Yesterday I made the decision to log off of Facebook on my phone during the day. Not a whole "Giving up Facebook" thing, not really anything official at all - but I was surprised at how much more centered my day seemed as a result. Having social media literally at my fingertips all day seems to accidentally swallow a lot of my time. I found I was more present, able to get my work done quickly and enjoy my children more fully. It seems, for me, peace comes when I find moments of mental stillness during the day - something easily lost when spare moments are taken up with browsing.
By last year's standards, I'm way behind. I've bought two Christmas gifts. Two. And don't even have the rest of them planned yet, my spreadsheet embarrassingly blank. Still, I know it will all come together just fine. Just how it needs to, just how this year is meant to be.
For today, thankful for surfacing - mentally, physically, emotionally. And waking up to see that while I was under, life somehow went on and everything is going to be alright.
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