...And I was daily His delight, Rejoicing always before Him,
Rejoicing in the world, His earth...
I'm teaching myself how to charcoal grill. In my typical style, learning by doing - and by making plenty of mistakes.
As a kid, I was reluctant to try things I had zero experience with. If a group was playing soccer, I'd sit out rather than make an idiot of myself. On a date to play pool, I declined to participate rather than learn how. I never liked how that made me feel, but the alternative of appearing ridiculous felt much, much worse.
I'm so glad I'm over that.
In some ways, my 30's feel like the most free I have ever been. I'm in a place of being pretty comfortable with myself in most ways. Getting beyond self consciousness because who has time for that? Of course I still have some of that nervous kid inside. I prefer to make my mistakes in private, which I think is pretty typical, but I'm past living in fear of them.
So, I'm figuring it out. Not only is it something I've never tried before, but it is something my Mom never did. It was always my Dad's thing and I think I had some sort of unspoken expectation that it would be my husband's thing as well. A "Man Job." There's a special thrill to stepping beyond your own preconceived notions and forging new ways of doing things. I kind of love standing over a hot grill with my baby wrapped up on my back, sipping some ice cold wine, making this my own. It's stretching me. Delighting me.
Maybe that's it? My own brand of thrill-seeking is learning. Looking at something from all angles and thinking "yeah, I could do that. Let me try." At 32 years old, still finding things about this world that delight me. It's in these normal moments that I feel closest to God. Where I feel the joy of what this gift of life is really all about. Living other-centered, sacrificial lives isn't about eschewing delight. I need to remember that.
Created to create, delighted to delight, enjoyed embracing joy. This is how God loves us.
Reaching arms out wide to embrace all of it I can, as long as I can. Fearlessly.
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