"If we finish up school and everyone gets their shoes and socks on, we can head down to the Library, then the thrift store and maybe even pop by the candy store on the way home!"
Yep, I was quickly en route to "best mom ever" this morning. We managed to get most of our work done, hair brushed and braided, shoes found and placed on the correct feet, library books located and shoved into the bag. I even put a little makeup on and looked approvingly in the mirror. A good looking mom if I do say so myself. What a rockstar, going out with 4 littles and being so obviously joyful and happy.
Then one by one things began to unravel, the best laid plans as usual going quite awry. I don't need to go into the specifics, but let the fact that we returned home empty handed on all counts and that I owed both my husband and children an apology afterward speak for themselves. Yikes. What happened?
I remember a conversation I had with my son sometime last year. I was scolding him for his attitude. "Just because something doesn't go your way does NOT give you the right to have a negative attitude!" Even as the words were leaving my mouth, I saw how hypocritical they were. Here I was expecting a 6 year old to behave better than me, a grown woman. He didn't have to say a word, I was convicted all on my own.
This area is a struggle for me. I really like to plan things out to the letter, and then I like my plans to be carried out exactly as I intended them. You really would think that after 4 kids I would have learned that things rarely go my way!
One of the best things about life is that we never stop learning. I want to keep learning and keep being reminded of the vast improvements I need to be making as a wife and as a mom.
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You rock. If you ever want to know what it is like to fail - over and over - look at yourself while parenting. Never the right thing to say at the right time. Emotion when there shouldn't be and no emotion when there should (adak kids screaming in the other room and you just got a second to sit down...).
ReplyDeleteI would not trade any part of this part of life - unless of course it was some infinite wisdom or control when I need it.
Best wishes,
JP
This is thought provoking. I have often caught myself in the hypocricy too, of expecting a little child to have better character than I MYSELF have in certain moments. BUSTED. Thank GOD we keep learning and getting second and second hundredth and thousandth chances. Thanks for being open, Lyd--your vulnerability is a blessing; sometimes you say the things that EVERYONE experiences but no one wants to talk about. Thank you.
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