A Birthday Post

Its her last night as two and I wonder if her 3 year old self will love wearing "baby jammies" that are barely fitting her tonight.  I measure her in memories, marveling at her masses of long curly hair, wondering when it was that her eyes took on a periwinkle cast and how she came to know so many things.  She reads my sad eyes and asks "aren't you happy, mama?" and I cuddle her close and rub noses and tell her yes, yes I am so proud of you, I am so HAPPY for 3 years of knowing and loving someone so precious and wonderful and interesting as you.

I know it is a cliche to say "...they grow up so fast..." wistfully on the eve of a new birthday, but I simply must say...they grow up so fast!

And maybe its me, my seamless passing from child to adult leaving me unable to come to terms with my own strides towards adulthood, much less theirs.

March is my month to wallow in the passing of time and my inability to slow it, even for a moment.  March turns little girls to big, toddlers into  girls and babies into toddlers and while the world springs new, my littles take another brave step onward to older.  I perch on the edge of the bed and brush my cheek along the top of her head, singing her on toward sleep and silently praying for the standing still of time.  Deep inside I know that every little old man and lady, every mama, every man was once someone's baby.  Its a beautiful miracle that we grow how we do.  That knowledge doesn't make my heart pains disappear.

Goodnight, 2 year old F.  We won't meet again, but tomorrow a big girl F will come and love me just as much as you did, and together we will do great things.  I'll always miss you and remember you. You are my precious darling girl.who, me?

Getting ready to turn 3 with the support of her sibs

And then suddenly, she's 3.

I'm overflowing with gratitude today.  Its a beautiful life I lead.