Friday, May 6, 2011


I remember (was it really only 4 years ago?) getting the phone call, gathering up my weeks-old baby and heading to bed.  Toddler follows, and we were soon joined by my oldest, only three wee years old.  The older kids watched me with concern and fear as I calmly latched the baby on and proceeded to cry.  Great, choking sobs, the kind that evade any attempt at restraint.  Dinah, only 2, stroked my back.  "Happy Mama?  Be Happy?"

The news was husband's job ending, laid off from the Public School system after 4 years.  Economy tanking, schools shutting down.  Here in the upstairs room, surrounded by my 3 very dependent little ones, I looked into their faces and shook with fear.  What would become of us?

In those dark times, its so easy to forget that we are still held in His great palm, and that He still has a plan for us...and often that plan is beyond what we could dream.

We never missed a paycheck.  Despite the lack of college degree, J found a job for the summer...and then, just as that short summer job ended, he found another - making more than he had been at the job he initially lost.

But on that dark day of bad news, I had no way of knowing that, no way of seeing the future.  All I had was tears...and fears.

Today, four years later, clouds roll in and another phone call breaks me...not as drastic, no job loss here, just disappointment.  I try and hold it together as I end the call, and then the tears come washing down my face.  Two year old toddles in "Happy Mama?" and pats my belly shaking in great sobs.  And it all takes me back.

And so I try and rally, praise Him for the goodness He has done in my life, for the pattern of faithfulness I see when I look back, and the knowledge that we are held so securely in His hands.  I may not be able to see how it will work, but He knows, sees the complete picture.  He strokes my head and whispers His promises and love.

The sun bursts free of the clouds and I wipe away tears, grateful that He gently leads those who have young ones...calming fears and guiding us onward.

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  1. "I may not be able to see how it will work, but He knows, sees the complete picture."
    Beautiful post. I'm sharing that same thankfulness for His leading. Thanks for the ever-comforting reminder there are other moms facing the same struggles and joys. :)

  2. I understand what you mean. I know one day I will thank Him for the trials we're facing, but sometimes it is hard to think so. Until then, we will thank Him for His sovereignty, and trust His plans are good.

    BTW, I thought of your blog title when I had to make the two hour drive into the big city of South Dakota to have our lawnmower worked on. I felt thankful for our small town, and the trust that comes when dealing business. It's a blessing!

    Have a great weekend!

  3. Thank you for this beautiful reminder of God, the Father, who provides for our needs.

  4. The only certain thing is that we are loved and that we will not be disappointed in Him. Hugs, momma. I pray you are comforted and renewed soon.


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