From the Archives: 6 Steps to Mindful Mothering

{In light of my last post, and in honor of Mother's Day this weekend, a re-post to serve as a reminder for all of us...me, most of all}

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During these quiet moments, after all are in bed and the only sound is the clicking of my needles and the moan of the wind outside my window, these are the times I think on it most. On the past 8 years. On the four babes welcomed and the one on the way. On the pregnancies, the births, the birthdays. On the scary moments every Mother dreads, the blood, the stitches, the bruises, the slip and fall accidents that punctuate our lives with drama.

Sometimes I can't believe it.  That the big boy holding little one's hand, leading him up to bed and tucking him in with a kiss, he was the same size as this little one in my womb right now, kicking and growing and waiting for his turn to take that first breath.  What's more, sometimes I can't believe that I am the same woman as that girl, clutching swaddled bundle in hospital delivery room, wondering why I didn't feel anything like a mother.  The truth is, I'm not her.

It has taken 8 years and four babies to make me into the Mom I am today.  And it can feel that I haven't changed enough since that day when I brought a squalling baby home in the moist July heat.  Have I grown in patience since then?  Understanding?  Have I learned how to nurture?

In this busy house chock full of busy people, I can see how critics of large families often wonder: "how do you have enough time/patience/energy to fully meet the needs of so many?"  Perhaps admitting that is shocking.  It shouldn't be.  I can see how mothering a large(r) brood can turn into assembly line parenting, should one become complacent.

The very thing I seek to avoid in the care of my children in their education, I need to be mindful of in parenting as well:  One size fits all.

I knew when I brought home my second baby that there was no such thing as One Size Fits All, or even One Size Fits Most parenting.  Children are too different from one another to be lumped together.  Sure, you can keep them basically fed and cared for that way, but there is a difference between surviving and thriving.  And oh, I want these children of mine to thrive!

A lofty goal, it seems sometimes, particularly with the realities of 3 meals a day, endless laundry, schooling, housework, playtime, pregnancy, babies, toddlers...

How does one mindfully parent in the midst of all of that?  How can one take the time needed for one particular child when the rest of family life clamors loud and To Do lists mount?

Here's my list, a few things that have been in my heart and mind lately.

1) Prioritize.  Place your children first on the to do list. The hours you have with them are precious commodities that should not be sacrificed or wasted.  This may mean that some cleaning or laundry or project of yours needs to wait.  Those things will be there tomorrow, but this day exists for this child only once.  Seize it.

2)Simplify.  If you find the above step overly difficult, you just may have too much on your plate.  Many families do, to their detriment.  There is nothing wrong with bowing out of one or two activities, taking less responsibility on your boards or charities, and just slowing things down for awhile.

3)Pray.  Think you are the one who knows your child best?  Think again.  Someone else does, and the greatest news of all is that He wants them to thrive, too.

 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;" Jer. 1:5

4)Connect.  Talk with your children.  Touch them.  Look in their eyes and listen with your whole heart to the things they say.  Discover their personalities, and customize your parenting to their unique little souls.

5) Focus. If you keep a journal, write down some of the discoveries you make about each child.  Study them, invest in them.  Mothering is a final exam with no retakes.  Be serious.  Be dedicated. 

6)Sacrifice.  Mindful Mothering requires sacrifice.  You may find you do not have time for certain things you enjoy in your day when you throw yourself fully into focusing on your children.  They are getting the best of you, its true.  Try to make time for your own interests after the little ones are in bed, or before they wake up in the morning.  Some things you enjoy may disappear for a while.  You will never regret giving your time, energy and focus to your children when they are young.

Blessings to all of you other Moms on this journey.  It is difficult work, but it is also the greatest there is.


Happy Mother's Day to all of my lovely readers - keep up the great, important, eternal work!