Emptied

"I can't do this anymore!"

Its morning, and I'm half out of the shower, dripping wet, trying to deal with potty training toddler while also taking a shower.  Neither is going very well.

"This being all things to all people..I can't do it!"

Giving up the shower for lost, I jump out and towel off, stalk into my bedroom.  4 year old joins me.  "Mama, when are we going to the park?  You said today we could go to the park.  You said we could.  When are we going, Mom?  Are we going now?"

I shoo her out and pull on clothes.  I'm behind on laundry again, and my outfit shows it.  Downstairs I can hear the baby start to sob.  Time for him to eat again.  I grab an armload of laundry and head downstairs where I am greeted by a huge mess of crayons that Jonah has somehow spread between 2 rooms.  My oldest greets me with a "I didn't eat anything this morning.  I'm hungry."  I glare.  The baby howls.  My hair drips down my back.

Too much, this life. Sometimes it really can be too much.  So many things on my plate at once, I often feel like I do everything, yes, but I do nothing well.  There is no time for it, not enough of me to go around.  The house may be clean, but the children haven't been read to.  Or, conversely, the children have been read to and loved on, but the house is a disaster.  All the things I need to do, to remember, to get to, all of it can seem more than I can do.  And sometimes, I just sit and do nothing at all, not knowing where to start.

In all of this, selfish thoughts can begin to creep in. "Why should I have to..."  "well, if I just had some help..."  "Don't they realize how BUSY I am?"  And on and on and on.

 1 Peter 4:10
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.

Perhaps there is a secret to being refreshed with peace when the world swirls too fast and the demands seem insurmountable.  Perhaps, what I really need is not less - responsibility, jobs, mess, mayhem.  Perhaps what I really need is more of Him.  More of Him, less of me.  The perfect combination.  Letting His love and blessings flow through me into those around me.  Emptied, I fill.

He gives abundantly.  All of himself, even unto death.  To be one with Christ  is to be poured out - and poured out - and poured out some more.  And while we are being poured out, He is refilling and refilling and refilling us with more of Him so that we never come up empty.  Even when it feels like there is nothing left to give, He is there filling us back up with all of the strength and grace that we need.  When we become unselfish and humble ourselves, we receive even more of the blessing.  In being the blessing to others, we are blessed.

But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.

Phillipians 2:17