After dinner, I scrub out the sink, plop plump baby in and suds him up. The pots and pans dry on the rack while he splashes bubbles and grins up at me.
I rub him down with sweet apricot oil and swaddle him up. He sighs contentedly and I lay him down in his bouncer in the corner. In moments he is asleep. Only then do I wake from my dream.
A day of rose colored glasses gives way to a night of jarring reality. I stumble over legos on the floor. Survey crumb dusted floorboards. Stack skyscraper laundry piles in baskets. In short, life is a mess. This one, anyway.
I read once before that woman's biggest temptation is found in the pages of Better Homes and Gardens. It is there that she covets and craves and finds fault with what she has. Therein, her contentment is cast aside and she longs for what is not hers. I never thought that to be true of me.
All I really want is basic cleanliness. To see the bottom of the hamper, clear of laundry. At the end of the day, to sit in a living room free of scattered toys and crumbs and books. To have a kitchen countertop that stays clear and a bathroom mirror, spot free. For visual peace in my surroundings. Too much to ask?
Even this stumbles me, head over feet. My sighs are loud. My dishpan hands tired. I wonder - how can He meet me here? In this place of mess and muddle, is it possible? The state of my sore soul much more filthy than my surroundings, my dirt smudged heart makes my well used home look like a cathedral.
I'm thinking of my time at the Cabin, longing for that peace and the ease of those few precious days. Even as I wistfully remember that time, I know that the true living of life happens not in those perfect moments, but down here in the trenches of the imperfect.
"We are not built for the mountains and the dawns and aesthetic affinities, those are for moments of inspiration, that is all. We are built for the valley, for the ordinary stuff we are in, and that is where we have to prove our mettle." ~Oswald Chambers
Not just on the Mount, but here in the Valley, under the shadow of dailiness, He meets.
Great post. "Basic cleanliness"...I long for that as well. And I love that quote. I may put it on my blog...it fits perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for a while. Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your writing. Love your style and you are always such an encouragment. I've recently returned to blogging. Stop by and say "hi" if you like. :)
Love that quote! and the post too. doing a Beth Moore Bible Study with other ladies from my church and dealing with this very thing. casting off all the those things that hold me captive (like the stack of Better Home and Gardens I cannot bear to throw away because..someday, someday, I can maybe have that??!!)...and keep me from receiving all the great bounty and blessing that God has planned for me. right here in the ordinary trenches of life. Yes, you have hit it: He is here. It is I that needs to meet Him.
ReplyDeleteI feel just like you with that dirt smudged heart. How honestly you put that and how that resonates... And how to make peace with life in the valley... It is our challenge and yet without that challenge, life would be dull. Thanks so much for your beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteYou always put words to what tumbles around in my heart daily. Thank you for your honesty and your voice of inspiration.
ReplyDeleteMany blessings to you and your beautiful babies!
xx
Yes, motherhood is in the everyday and every night of the journey. I think it is beautiful that you are still able to find beauty and joy in bathing the baby. Sometimes He sends us those little things to encourage use through the rest of the valley. Keep encouraged on your journey.
ReplyDeleteAh serendipity. I just read that exact quote last night, here in my Lego-strewn home. :)
ReplyDelete