Monday, April 23, 2012

Home Apprenticeship



"I could never homeschool.  That's awesome that you do, though."

We're in the waiting room at ballet, watching our pint-sized ballerinas through the window.  I reluctantly lift my eyes from Dinah's porte de bras to meet her gaze.

"Oh I'm sure you could.  It's not much different than regular parenting, really."

She's not readily convinced, shakes her head and gestures.

"No, no, no.  With the kid's home all day?  I could never get anything done."

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It's Sunday and I'm washing up the last of the dishes.  Cake baking in the oven, bread dough tucked snugly into pans, vegetables and macaroni and cheese waiting in the fridge for their turn to be cooked for our weekly family meal.

Outside, the hum of the mower and I see my 8 year old walk past the window, throwing the bulk of his thin 8 year old frame against the weight of it.  Behind him walks his Dad, my husband, just a few steps.  Close enough to step in to correct and instruct, far enough to let his son learn on his own.

My toddler comes running in from outside and I set him up with a dishcloth to dry the pots and pans for me. He's quiet and content on his little stool, occasionally looking up and asking me if he's doing a good job.  I apply praise liberally and his face is all light and smiles.

It gets me thinking of that conversation last week at the studio.  How does one get anything done with five kids in the home all day every day?  To be sure, some things can be quite a mess.  But the basics?  They get done.  Laundry, groceries, meals, schooling, bathing...it all happens just fine.  Maybe a bit more hectic than if they weren't here, but I wonder if that's a bad thing.

In the past 200 or so years, it seems we've forgotten how to "get anything done" with children around.  Certainly some people still have it figured out.  Drive out in Amish country and you'll see a Father plowing his field - with 2 or 3 youngsters tagging along and helping.  Regular families used to be able to do that, too - incorporate their children into the daily running of their homes and lives.  Children learned by watching and working alongside their parents - important skills.  Parents didn't view their children's presence as being burdensome or exasperating, but rather another aspect of the job - training the next generation to work.

These days, it's easier to turn on a video for the kids while you are making dinner, or do all the chores yourself because it's more efficient and orderly that way.  But perhaps this is robbing our children of something very important?  

Homeschooled or schooled, it doesn't matter.  Incorporating children into real life begins with the home life and how we allow them to apprentice along side us, yes, even if it means a bit of a mess in the kitchen, or laundry not folded exactly right.  Perhaps his mowing isn't in perfect straight lines, but it certainly never will be if he isn't given the opportunity to try.  We also need to get away from viewing "work" as a dirty word and something to save our children from.  Teach little ones to love work by allowing them to help when they are little and still want to - and raise up a crop of hardworking adults who get the job done.

It's a lesson I'm still learning when I'd rather just buzz through these 3 loads a day and not be bothered teaching the 5 year old how to fold Daddy's shirts.  Or when I really just want to get these loaves in the oven and not let him help me knead.  But I know it's all a part of the job - a very important part.  Perhaps the most important part.


Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper (Proverbs 13:4 NLT).


How are you apprenticing your kids?


26 comments:

  1. Great post! Love the thinking you always make me do!

    My sons mowed the lawn with their dad on Sunday too!
    We get it done because it's shared like you and I use a commission based allowance for jobs. Free will here - do some get paid, don't do anything don't get paid :)

    Also, it's not a perfectly clean, organized or managed house but it's ours and our family lives here and I want that reflected in my home!

    So I am guessing you make your own bread! Way to go! Enjoy your day!!

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    1. A home where children are learning will never be perfectly clean nor perfectly managed...but it is just exactly what they need to learn the skills that will serve them well from here on out! See you tomorrow, Terrie!

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  2. Wonderful post! A good reminder for me at the start of the new day. I have a new "little" girl I am taking care of at the Deaf School where I minister. Milagro is eight but at the language and functioning level of a two year old right now. I try to incorperate her in everything that we do but Ihave to admit that there ae times when I do just want to do it on my own. Thank for the reminder that everytime I do let her do what the older girls and I are doing she is learning. Blessings on your day today with your precious kids!

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    1. I have those times too...very frequently, actually. It has only been in the past few years that I have realized that I really need to embrace my little helpers and let them learn! It can be exhausting. It sounds like you are a wonderful blessing to the children you serve!

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  3. Right on! Great reminder for me today.

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  4. This is great- just exactly what I needed to hear. I have my kids with me almost always, and often a few others thrown in the mix. Add in the work of homesteading/farming, part time job, and just trying to keep the house in order... lately I've been frazzled. I'm learning to accept it and find peace in the present, but I do struggle. I need to be more mindful of their role in this whole thing, too. They can never be in the way if I see them as an integral part of the whole process. :)

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    1. I am familiar with the frazzle. And the just wanting things neat, or right, for just a few minutes, please? But someday they'll be grown and we'll miss them, yes? Even the times when they dig up our seedlings :-).

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  5. Funny you mention the Amish. We just returned from a trip to Indiana Amish country. While we werr there I stopped at the local market to buy some apple butter and preserves. I stood behind an Amish mother and her baby at the cashier. When I looked in her cart, I nearly laughed out loud with joy. In her cart: root beer, ice cream, frozen pizza, chips, and some bulk instant pudding. We so often idealize the Amish for their simple country ways, while feeling like we somehow fall short if we are too exhausted with childcare and housework to bake bread or create a meal from scratch. Seeing this Amish mother buying convenience foods for her family made me so relieved. Sometimes it is more simple to throw a frozen pizza in the oven after a long day.

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  7. Love this post!! And so agree with you, children love being a part of our lives. They love to help and share in the every day life we lead. Including my little man makes daily chores so much more fun, yes it may take a little longer, but that is perfectly okay with me. I enjoy the delight he finds in doing every day tasks such as sorting the clean socks or washing the veggies before dinner.

    I shared this post on Twitter and Facebook :)

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    1. Thanks, Kim! I find that trying to "do it all" on my own only leads to me getting very frustrated with these little people. I need to remember what my main job really is - not a perfectly clean home, nor gourmet meals, but raising these small people into big ones and teaching them important life lessons along the way.

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  8. Sara - It's true, we all have the same 24 hours. Some things that we idealize are not always going to be possible. Sometimes the best Mom I can be is one who orders pizza!

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  9. I was very inspired by your post today! With my sweet two year old who gets into everything sometimes the easier thing to do is brush them aside. So I took you up on your helping ideas and thought of ways to have him be beside me. He helped dry the plastic ware and at the end we were both laughing so hard because he was licking the water off the bowls! Oy... Memories indeed. Thank you for your timely post - as always.

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    1. I'm sure these will be the most treasured memories of all - not setting the children in front of the television so you can get it done quickly, but letting him engage with you and laughing right along. You are giving your son a gift!

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  10. Great reminder! I oftentimes do feel that it's easier to just do the jobs myself. There are jobs that I *want* my kids to do, and jobs I selfishly keep to myself because I don't want to deal with the mess, or the instruction. I need to remember to allow help in various forms - even if it isn't what I necessarily want at the time. I'm sure it will be so much more beneficial than the alternative.

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    1. Hi Mel! I know what you mean - I can sometimes have to fight off a slight cringe when Jonah drags his little stool up next to me when I'm making dinner, wanting so badly to help. I can see my plan of quick and clean meal prep going out the window! But letting go of expectations just might be the first step in finding something worth even more. In this case, some special moments with my little one where he is truly engaged, truly happy, truly learning.

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  11. Hello! I am a new follower of your blog and am enjoying looking around!
    I really love this post- I totally agree with these ideas, but you have given me a needed kick in the butt to 'hop back on the wagon' if you know what I mean.
    In times of tiredness etc, it's this sort of thing that falls by the wayside, but it's too important to be forgotten!

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    1. Hi! So glad to meet you and thrilled you subscribed!

      I know what you mean about falling off the wagon. Sometimes I can get caught up in checking off my own to do list that I can forget that I'm supposed to be including them as well.

      I hope to see more of you, Lauren!

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  12. I needed to hear this. I tend to think it's easier with the kids away at school or elsewhere instead of embracing them around and incorporating them into life. It's a lesson I'm working on, and your post hit me at the right time. Yeah The High Calling! Yeah you!

    Amanda Hill
    www.hillpen.com

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    1. Is it easier? Yes, I would say most jobs are easier, more efficient and oftentimes even more pleasant when done on your own. But including children has so many benefits, both immediate and long term! And it is an important part of parenting. I especially find it true as we are a homeschooling family. My kids need to have things to do, real things, all day. Including them in daily work keeps boredom at bay!

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  13. I am so glad that I stumbled across your piece of the universe a while back - your writing truly lifts me up. Beautiful and meditative and peaceful. This post reminded me of the work of one of my favorite theologians who works on children and family in relation to vocation. She calls for the return of the "pitch-in" family where children were raised to see themselves as contributing in important ways to the life of the family, even from a young age. Rather than rewarding them with allowances or leaving the chores to the adults, empowering children to take up that part of the family's work that they can do at their age is a wonderful gift to give a growing child!

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    1. I'm so glad you came along, too! I love those thoughts you posted - yes, yes, yes! There is a sense of accomplishment, importance and value that a child assumes when being made to see themselves as an invaluable part of the family unit. It IS truly empowering. Also, the gift of an excellent work ethic is one that will serve a child for the rest of his life. A beautiful gift, indeed!

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  14. I'm new to your blog. I couldn't agree more! I am homeschooling my five children for the first time this year, and have to admit, I use to be the one who would say, "I can't imagine having my kids home all day". Now I can't imagine not having them home. We are learning together and spending so much precious time together! Love it! Shannon
    fiveappleblossoms.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Shannon! I think I would be awful lonesome for my bigger kids if they were gone all day.

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  15. I am new here. I found you through my friend Chasity. Thanks for this reminder. My kids aren't homeschooled though,I struggle with making that decision every single year. I have gone so far as to make a family schedule because I want to integrate the kids into our home but something seems to get in the way a lot. Outside activities, my hurry to get things done so we can get whatever we need to get to. I think "Hurry" is my issue. and probably some impatience. Thanks so much for sharing this!

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    1. Hurry robs us of so much. It is one of the reasons we really try to limit the amount of outside activities our family participates in. In and of themselves, there is nothing wrong with sports or arts or any of those things, but if you take on too much, you really do sacrifice that all important time just being together as a family. I'm thankful that, even on busy days, we have a lot of time at home together. I am not at all anti-school and try to keep an open mind regarding sending my children if it was indeed the best thing for our family. But I do see how, if we chose that road, we would have to make an even more concerted effort to make time at home with them. Blessings to you on your path!

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