Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Free Range Mothering




He's got jam from this morning's toast in the corners of his mouth, a smudge of dirt across the bridge of his nose, dirty bare feet, a stick in his right hand.  He's squatted down in the sandbox, working on some creation or other.  The only clean thing about the guy is his bright white smile that flashes when I ask him what he's up to.

I've always wanted clean kids.  The buttoned up, combed down type that Michelle Duggar, with 3 4 times the number of children I have, seems to be able to pull off.  I'm in awe when I meet someone who's kids have dazzlingly clean socks on (and matching, at that), and somehow manage to keep their shoes on while playing in the back yard.

My kids relish getting their hands dirty.  They may start out the day in shoes and socks, but by the time I drag them in at dusk, I'm lucky if they still have all their clothes on.  My kids just don't work that way.  Even on Sundays when I am extra strict and careful, they still manage to come all undone before Church is even over.

I've realized that perhaps it is my parenting style that is at fault.  The trouble is, I don't see it changing any time soon.  I'm a free-range parent, which means I try to do minimal hovering in all areas - including what my kids choose to wear most days.  While I definitely require a certain calibre of outfit for special events like parties, weddings and, of course, Sunday mornings, the rest of the week I tend to let them wear what they want.  And play what they want, even if that means plopping right down in the middle of a mud puddle.

I see the natural affinity most kids have for touching things (even messy things!) and realize it is their natural way of learning about the world around them.  Think about it: you probably know how mud feels between your toes, and not because it is something you do regularly as an adult.  No, it is probably something you experimented with during childhood.  I try to remember that childhood is a time of multi-sensory learning.  A time of splashing in rain puddles, rolling down hills, and that irresistible urge to touch squishy, gooey, slimy things.  It might cleaner and neater to keep them sequestered indoors where I can keep an eye on them, playing video games or watching movies.  But if childhood is about learning and growing, what better place to do that than outside?  And what better way than as hands-on as possible?

I try to remember that their whole lives will be spent looking and acting in ways our culture deems appropriate, using inside voices and keeping themselves clean.  The priviledge of childhood is the opportunity to learn in the most natural way possible.

So when Peter pulls up on the garden box, takes a swipe of dirt and deposits it right into his mouth, I try to remind myself - he's fine.  Just learning new things.



14 comments:

  1. So much truth in this. I'd given up long ago on the idea of matching Gymboree outfits and clean feet. Heck my feet are rarely clean as I go outside barefoot all of the time.
    I encourage my kids to dig (just not in the garden with out supervision) and make mud most days. I remember the feeling of satisfaction coming home after a hard day of getting dirty outside, taking a bath/shower and eating dinner. It felt like I'd done something that day.
    I'd still prefer to be out there, getting dirty with my kids.

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    1. Yes! My feet rival the dirtiest among them, most days. You are right about the sense of satisfaction that comes from working and playing nice and hard, sweaty and dirty. A great childhood!

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  2. I love watching my children outside playing, mismatched and exploring!! What better way to grow!

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  3. Free range mothering. Even just the title of this post is a mind-full of thought... thanks. :) Gonna be mulling this over.
    ~Jenn

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  4. We're this way too - haphazardly attired and dirty and very tired at night and happy - the boys spend their days barefoot outside with bows and arrows, mostly. I love having the freedom to be this way, although when I have to go to a party or something (a rare event) I never seem to have anything appropriate to wear.

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    1. Karis - in my minds' eye, your boys look like the lost boys straight out of Peter Pan. Absolutely charming.

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  5. Not that it is bad but seems as though the clean ones recreate nature inside with "sensory bins". Thankful my backyard is free and has a multitude of sensory filled activities!

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  6. Hahaha! That's great. I find myself stopping mid-sentence occasionally when I hear the words coming out of my mouth "Don't eat that - it's really nasty....." I can't help think silently: "annnnd HOW would I know this? Oh yeah. I ate it once. Oh yeah, I got cold and wet doing that very thing, oh yeah, I got hives rolling in grass just like that... but really, it was worth it! Oh yeah."

    You know, I struggle to find the balance that works for our family - that balance between tidy or clean, and cutting loose, relaxing, and letting dirt billow forth from the rug. I have a friend who's house and children are almost sterile and I always feel so inferior in my abilities after I visit. My husband once wisely observed "We are doing something totally different then they are. The way they run their home and family isn't practical for us because we are trying to accomplish something else entirely."
    That was such a helpful perspective to remember. And we each display the glorious character and nature of God in the freedom of our own unique families, homes, vision, passion, abilities, in the way we worship and put His glory on display.

    Well done friend. Keep keeping on!

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    1. Your husband is a wise one! I need that reminder myself. I struggle too...I know I want my children to learn the discipline of keeping things tidy, etc, but I also want them to experience the freedom and joy of just letting go and being truly free. It is a balance. I'm still looking for it.

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  7. One of my friends has a sign on her wall. It says something like "I have sticky floors and happy kids." -)

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  8. Haha... my kids are the poster children for "free range" kids!!!! We live on a farm, are farmers and about pretty much roll right in the dirt with the kids. I have way to many other things to do than worry about them getting dirty.. a quick rinse in the tub before bed gets most of the dirt off :) ohh and my kids dress themselves so my four year old is wearing an old pair of plaid shorts( most blue) a bright red fleece long sleeved shirt (with the words "Winter" and a couple of peguins ice fishing) and maroon hand knitted socks...oh and a pair of rubber boots to complete his outfit. I try to clean them up if we go to town.. but for the rest I don't care!!! :)

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  9. I love it!!

    My sister and I were talking recently about 'clean-kid' mothers and 'dirty-kid' mothers. I was bemoaning the fact that although I really admire 'clean-kid' mothers, I don't ever see how I could become one as much as I would like to. I honestly don't know how they do it. I just don't have the energy or time to keep 7 children sparkly clean no matter how hard I try. Oh well -- we're definitely a free-range family. :)

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  10. Yes. We are parenting twins. (meaning we think alike, not that we have twins :-D)

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  11. Currently half our backyard is a kind of earthworks. I do draw the line at playing with the hose as we then end up with a yard full of sticky black mud. The yard is too small for grass and children to coexist. We wash faces and hands frequently and feet get washed before bed at least. For the rest baths are good and as long as most of the dirt stays outside I don't worry too much...even when they make "tattoos" by rubbing themselves with clumps of mud!...K

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