Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Oh, these past few weeks have been a blur. Getting back into our schooling groove after many months of free living. Learning a new way of doing things, and the struggles and strife that comes along with that. Heading into the busy season of ballet rehearsals and basketball try outs and trying to keep it all together here at home besides.
Yes, there's been a curve to it all - a learning curve, a living curve. And in concentrating so hard on what is in front of me, I've almost lost sight of what is happening all around me. Fall has come to our little plot of land here in Michigan. I didn't even notice until my 3 year old pointed it out during one of our mad-dash drives along the express way.
"Red, Yellow, Green, Orange..." He was quietly ticking them off on his fingers.
"Whatcha talking about back there?" I asked, charmed by his apparent interest in colors.
"The trees, Mama. Look!"
And I did. And I actually saw them.
My life can be that way. Focusing on just doing the next thing is a necessity and keeps me from getting overwhelmed by that terrifying Big Picture, but in doing so I can sometimes miss it. In trucking through our school assignments, I can forget that learning isn't a check list - it's a process that takes time and is different for every person, topic, day. I can forget that there is more to caring for a little one than cleaning and clothing and feeding and praying with them - I need to remember to pause, to look into these faces and ask them each, every single day - "So how are things today? How are you?"
I can forget that I have needs that extend beyond wiping down the kitchen after dinner and folding that last load of laundry. My creativity has been shelved and while I can feel myself emptying, I am at a loss for how to find the time, the energy, the brain-space to imagine something new and wonderful and make it. I miss sewing, knitting. I miss cooking and baking.
Sometimes I can forget that this season and every single one of these moments - they only come around once in a lifetime. This day, this Autumn with these kids at these ages - it's a one time offer. It is up to me to take it and live it as thoroughly as I can.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the important stuff, the Big Things in my life, that I forget that some of the little things actually matter most. So I remember to take my kids for a walk to show them the best tree in the neighborhood for brilliant leaves. I let that laundry sit a moment to start a new knitting project. I reclaim read alouds as being the most important part of our school day. And, in doing so, I find my groove here in this new rhythm. The part that requires me, my individuality, my gifts, my strengths. Because when I leave out who I was created to be, I can miss the point completely.
So I'm choosing to live this Autumn, really live it...as best I can.
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