Taking The Long View

My bamboo needles are clicking as our van winds its way through the snow dusted countryside.  Lights wink on in the farm houses as we pass, and I knit faster - trying to beat dusk, finish up this sweater sleeve before we are enveloped in twilight.

His eyes are on the road and he's talking - that slow, deep tenor of his that I fell in love with long ago.  5 kids in the back are snoozing and as I shift my seating a bit, our 6th protests with a gentle kick, deep inside.

He's telling me about music, songs sung on the last night of our Virginia visit, him out with his sister for some quality time while I tucked our little ones into bed.  As he talks and I nod along and as questions, it hits me like a ton of bricks.

I love this man.  Love his gentle way of talking, love his thoughts and words.  I love the casual way his right hand finds my knee while urging our van forward on a long car trip.  He's perfect for me...and it only took me 10 years to see it.

Perhaps some have this assurance right away.  When I stood up at that alter, I knew 3 things for sure: that I loved him and he loved me, and that God loved both of us more than the other ever could.  The other stuff, well, truthfully it did make me nervous.  I was outgoing, liked large loud parties and to be around big groups of people.  He liked quiet, one on one, small gatherings.  We liked different music.  He played sports in high school. I spent all my time at the ballet studio and had never seen a full basketball game.  He was from a small family and mine was large and loud and lively.  He was laid back and I was passionate to a fault.  In introspective moments, I did wonder if we could possibly be right when nothing about us really matched up.

In the ten years since, I've learned a few things.  A close friend has this wisdom to offer: "Take the long view."  The long view of life is hard to take when you are 18 and crazy enough to get married.  All you can see is who you are today, who they are - and wonder if it will truly work.  The long view is easier to see when you've got years to look back on.  Even, maybe especially, the long view of who you are.

As I apply the principle of the "long view" to myself, my spouse, and my children, I can see it - God's faithfulness. And pray that He takes the long view when looking at my progress in life  as well.  People are more than just a snapshot in time, after all.  When I was young and wanted the life of the party, I couldn't see that one day all I would want was a man who raced home to me on a Friday night.  When I batted away unwanted advancements left and right, I couldn't know that 10 years down the road, a husband who kisses me passionately every night right there in the kitchen could show me that I am still cherished, even pregnant with my 6th.  We all change. 

Things I saw as drawbacks back then, I see as assets now.  Things I passed over as something to live with have become some of the things I admire the most about him today.  And yes, after nearly 10 years of marriage, in taking the long view, I can see what God must have seen all along.  That this man, this polar opposite of mine - he's my perfect partner.  And 10 years after I lay awake on our wedding night, thinking about the terrifying unknown of the future, I can say that I am more in love than I have ever been.

J shifts his hand up to lace with one of mine, stilled for a moment from knitting.  He glances my way for a moment and our eyes lock.  I smile into his brown eyes framed by the beginnings of smile lines and think I've never loved him more.  We both turn back toward the windshield and the long, windy way home.  My knitting spirals and the daylight fades away.

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