Monday, October 14, 2013

Mommy Brain and Mommy Heart {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

It's Sunday and I'm standing in the kitchen in pajamas, mixing up a few cakes.  The kids are running around in their normal swirl of chaos, getting ready for Sunday school.  "He'll be here soon!"  I admonish the 6 year old, standing with one Mary Jane shoe on and one in her hand as she puts the finishing touch on a birthday card.  "I know, I'm hurrying!"  Feet beat the stairs, up and down.  Dinah rakes the brush through her hair in quick little yanks.  "Can you get the bottom, Mom?  I can't reach it."  Jonah needs his pants buttoned.  Ben can't find his other shoe.  I take desperate gulps of coffee in between helping kids and mixing up cake batter.  My brain skipping between where Dinah left her bible and whether it is one teaspoon or two of baking soda.

His car pulls into the driveway and those kids pour out the back door into Sunday sunshine.  My Dad, picking up his grandkids for Sunday school, buckling car seats into the back of his Honda and admiring the space where Fiona's tooth used to be until last night, when she wiggled it really hard...

It's later when I stand in the middle of the dining room and realize my brain has stopped working.  I look down at my hand and can't remember just what I did with the socks I was holding, the socks I ran down to the basement laundry to find for my husband because this week I am behind.  And I never caught up.  Now my brain has betrayed me and left me staring at my empty hands.  And still later when I stand in front of a closet full of clothes that don't fit right and remember that I was going to try to go shopping for myself this week.  In that soft space after baby where nothing looks right, I pull on maternity pants from over 6 months ago and pray they stay up during the church service.  Because I don't ever  think about what I'm going to wear to church until I've got 10 minutes to make a decision.

Yes, I've got a case of Mommy brain.  It's not so much that I can't remember anything, but that I have to remember so much.  Where I set his church shoes after he left them in the middle of the kitchen last week.  Where she hid Grandpa's birthday card so her siblings wouldn't mess with it.  What time that play date is on Tuesday and what I am supposed to bring to the church picnic.  And don't forget that tooth she lost, laid with wild hopes under her pillow last night.  In the crush of it all, sometimes I'm last on the list...if I make it at all.

On the way to church, in my maternity dress pants and a sweater from years ago, I knit and look at the autumn colors along the side of the highway.  And in that quiet few minutes between home life and the next thing on my list, in that space my heart fills with joy - praise.  In my heart, I think - God didn't have to make this all so beautiful.  But He did.  Glory after glory of trees aflame pass by the window and the baby in my back seat is cooing and my husband flashes his smile and I think yes, I've got Mommy brain.  My brain can't hold much more but God made a Mama's heart to expand and expand and expand....He didn't have to do that.  But He loves beauty - so He did.  And in doing so, He's given me an abundance.  Every thing I need and so many other things besides.  While I might be the last on my own list, I'm not the last on His.

My heart is full of lost teeth, brushing hair and inspecting cleaned teeth.  My heart is full of birthday cards for Grandpa and feet pattering up and down the stairs.  My heart is full of the ransacked house after a family of 8 leaves in a flurry on a Sunday morning.  My heart is full of my toddler singing in the back seat and my wonderful husband's smile.  My heart is so full it could burst - but it won't.  It will just keep on growing.


{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes. A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life. A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now. You might post recent struggles or thoughts. Maybe just a picture or a quote. Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post. Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you. We are all in this, together. Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.
I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday! Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below. Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us! And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter. This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:

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  1. "It's not so much that I can't remember anything, but that I have to remember so much." <---- So well put! Pregnancy brain is getting to me (8 months with #4)...I bought a birthday gift for #1 a month ago, and on her birthday Saturday, I couldn't find it to give it to her. Sigh.

  2. That must be why it takes me at least 45 minutes to fall asleep after my husband is snoring! My mommy brain is finishing all the interrupted thoughts from the day. Once it's done processing I can sleep...K


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