Hoping to speak candidly here today....
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. I realized today that I completely missed a birthday party last week that I was supposed to take my daughter to. I was late on a writing deadline and had to stay up late to get it done. I have a dozen emails in my inbox that need attention. I have meetings to attend, jobs that need to be wrapped up before this baby comes. I have a husband and kids that I am not able to give much to these days. I have a baby inside who seems intent on taking me over completely. I have a potty training toddler. I have a messed up sleep schedule that gives me no rest at night and no energy during the day. I have a garden I want to weed, a bathtub that desperately needs cleaning after bathing filthy children each night. I have phone calls to return, friends to check in with, Little League games to attend. I feel as though I have nothing left to give, but everything left to do. More than anything, I feel completely paralyzed, unable to even begin to tackle the mountain of responsibilities staring me down, physically and mentally and emotionally spent.
I am weary.
And so,
The emails go unanswered. The phone calls un-returned. The bottom of the bathtub waits, ring and all. My kids quietly eat peanut butter for dinner and the weeds continue to grow. I unload the dishwasher at 3 am and doze on the couch at noon.
When things get hard, I try and give myself a bit of grace. Isn't that sometimes the toughest thing to do? To give yourself permission to step back, slow down and admit - this is a hard time. This is a lot. And right now, I simply cannot do it all.
Tomorrow, I will answer an email or two. I will call a friend. I'll gather my kids and read out loud. I'll ask my husband out on a date and try to stay awake. I'll pay my sister to scrub my tub (I literally cannot reach with this basketball of a baby in the way). I will get up early and water my plants.
But tonight, I will pour myself another glass of tea and watch the sun go down...and let it be.
"Come to me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
~Matthew 11:28
Oh how I can relate to this!! The hardest part for me is stepping back and telling myself its ok....asking for help.....enjoying the moment, even when I'd rather hide and cry. But I have perfect peace in Jesus, knowing that when I can't get thru He carries me the rest of the way...when I let Him.
ReplyDeleteU are amazing, and such a blessing to me...all the way over here in Australia!!
Oh yes. I know this feeling well. And I remember being in church, about fourteen months pregnant, and hearing that quote from Matthew and being absolutely sure that Christ had pregnant mothers foremost in his mind when he said it. "Weary and heavy laden" is the best description I've ever heard for the end of pregnancy. I wish you all the best, and a good night's sleep tonight!
ReplyDeleteKaris
Amen, Amen, Amen!! Finally, I've been waiting, for live EVER, for a mom who not only admitted it can be a tiring, overwhelming, and weary job - this motherhood thing. But who can also do it with grace and dignity; thus allowing the rest of us to finally, after much exertion.....exhale.
ReplyDeleteThank You and God Bless with His perfect peace and rest.
I love your honesty and understand as I have felt like this so many times in the past. I am trying to truly prioritize what I "have" to do and what I can forget about until things improve. Lately it has been during these times that I have my relationship with God has strengthened and now I look back and am thankful for those times as I can tell I grew through them.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your kind words. Its hard for me to just let go like this and give myself a bit of slack. Sometimes I feel like if I admit that this is all hard, it warrants others to criticize the calling of motherhood, something I never want to allow. But everything worthwhile is hard work and goodness, right now? This is HARD.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, my friend. I can't thank you enough for reminding me that I am not alone either. :)
ReplyDelete