Monday, February 3, 2014

When You Think You Might Be Invisible {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

(Old picture, just for fun)

"How about these?"

My 17 year old sister holds up a pair of black cigarette pants for my inspection. I shift awkwardly from one foot to another.

"I don't know!  Is it weird for a Mom of 6 to wear those?  Is it ok?"

"You'll look great in them!  Just try them on!" She hands me a several hangers and points me in the direction of the dressing room.

I'm not sure when I became so awkward, so out of touch that I needed to call my baby sister to help me shop.  11 years of constant pregnancy and post-partum wearing clothes passed from friend to friend kept me from stepping foot in a shopping mall for years.  Everything always fitting just a little awkwardly.  I was grateful - marching up and down sizes 6 times can be expensive, but I realize when it's time to go shopping again that I've lost it.  I don't know what to buy, where to shop.  I don't even know what I like.

 I pause when I slip my own clothes back on  and look into the eyes of that girl in the dressing room mirror.  Who is that?  11 years and 6 babies can muddle your brain right up, make you forget who you are.  My thirtieth birthday looms large when I confess to her that the only pants I have to wear to church are either the ones with the broken zipper from 2002 or the maternity pants I wore in my last pregnancy, nearly a year ago now.

It's one thing to be invisible to the world around you, just the person who makes everything happen, who's always there to help.  Just the faceless warmth in the middle of the night when someone needs a hug, the person who keeps the laundry going and makes sure the fridge is stocked.  It's another entirely to lose sight of your own self.  Mamas are prone to this.  When we put everything and everyone ahead of us, sometimes we can walk right out on our own selves.

God never does.

In the middle of our messy days wearing old yoga pants smeared with whatever the toddler "ate" for lunch.  On our bad hair days, yes, even when that seems to be every day.  For months on end.  At the end of a long week of sick babies and husband's working late when we've almost forgotten what a non-relative looks like.  When we neglect the rest He's gifted us and work ourselves right down to nothing.  When our identity is all wrapped up in the strivings and guilt of motherhood and we buy into the lie that says we are irreparably screwing this up.  When we look in the mirror and don't even recognize that person. In the face of all of this, God says we are

What if we believed these things about ourselves?  Would we stand up a bit straighter?  Carry ourselves like the princesses we are?  Speak with authority to our children?  Own our vocations a bit more?  Approach every day with Joy and Confidence? Shed the fears and insecurities that we've put on and dress instead in freedom and faith?

I believe we would.  Knowing just this: that we are seen, known, and loved - every day. No matter what you wear or how you've changed over the years.  Like diamonds sparkling brightly, you take His breath away.

1 Samuel 16:7

"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

So my sister gently helps me find myself underneath this pile of kids and badly fitting clothes.  When our eyes meet in church on Sunday, she smiles and nods.  It's alright.  No matter what I wear? I'm seen.


{It's Mindful Mothering Mondays, a day to take a deep breath and write out your mothering journey, whatever form it takes.  A day to link up for encouragement from others who are in this same phase of life.  A day of writing out the trials and triumphs and what you're learning right where you are, right now. 

You might post recent struggles or thoughts.  Maybe just a picture or a quote.  Or maybe you'll just come here and read the links that others post.  Whatever form your participation takes, this is a day for you.
We are all in this, together.  Together, we can encourage and build one another up, be honest with our shortcomings and strengthened by community to keep fighting the good fight.

I chose Mondays because what Mama doesn't need a little encouragement on a Monday? As such, I'll have the link up ready to go on Sunday night for you to begin submitting your links.

I hope you'll meet with me each Monday!  Here's what to do ~

Link up your post below.  Remember to put the link to the exact post you want to link, and not just your blog url. Include in your post a link back here so others who want to join in can find us!  And visit some other Mamas who have linked up.

Post the community graphic within your post, so people who are reading your Mindful Mothering post can come back here and find the rest of us!

Invite the writers of your favorite blogs to join in!

Share this meme with others on facebook and twitter.  This community is for all moms, and the more that participate, the more we will be able to enjoy!!}

Grab the graphic here:


If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to future posts.  Thank you.


  1. not to miss the point of this post or anything, but... did you buy the pants?? :)

  2. Haha, Rebekah! Yes, I did :-). I love them.

  3. This is why I love you, Lydia! Oh, I am right here with you! Thanks so much for speaking life to me today.

  4. Thank you thank you! What beautiful words and what precious truth.
    My heart rejoices!

  5. Thank you so much for this post! I had been feeling much the same way, especially after having gone for a shopping trip with my tween daughter. I have felt disconnected, but by reconnecting with Him and His purpose in my life I seem to have dropped worrying about fitting into the world as much. I know that is not written well, but it gives me solace to know it is o.k. if I'm not on the cutting edge of what the world thinks is important as long as I am focusing on what He thinks is important. The rest will figure itself out. Thank you again for this post!

  6. What a lovely relationship with your younger sister:) I too have younger sisters, one is 8 years younger, the other 20 years younger than me:) I love her. And now my daughter has the same age differences between her and her sisters:)

  7. I can totally relate to that. My youngest just turned one and I have to go shopping soon, too.

  8. She is a wonderful girl. I'm so proud of her and happy to be a part of her life! I have an older sister just 2 years above me, then a sister 8 years younger and then my baby sister who is 12 years younger.


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